I'm not wearing any pants.

There's an image for ya.  Seriously though, it's so hot and humid today I literally felt heat radiating out of everything I've sat or laid on today.  That could also be from the minor sun burn I got on the backs of my legs Wednesday but regardless, Everything just felt so hot that I decided it was my pants fault so I took them off.  I gotta say, I'm feeling better already. 

H'ok so, I researched a possible DMA program at U Houston and it was an incredible wake up call.  They have a lot of diagnostic exams and testing to go through before you even begin the degree.  Then the exams you take after course work before you can be a "candidate" for the DMA are even more rigorous.  For vocalists there's theory and history that everyone does, then French, German and Italian diction plus reading proficiency in one language.  They had a sample theory test online that I checked out and I'm pleased to say I remember most of the stuff that's on it.  But man oh man will I have some brush up work to do before I head off to any audition.  It made me really excited because I feel like it will challenge me but it won't be out of my league.  Music is definitely where I belong and so challenging myself is really exciting.  I'm actually looking forward to brushing up on my theory and history as well as diction and now I really gotta start cracking on learning a foreign language.  It's simply exciting.  This is gonna be good for me.  Whatever school I end up at I think will push me and honestly make me be better.  Which is what I want. 

In the other world of my summer, I've finally made it back to the lowest weight of June, just in time for July to be over.  I did not make my goal of 5 lbs for the month, but I'm happy to feel back on track.  That's really all I had to share, except that I'd really like someone to come cook for me.  I have zero motivation at the moment.  So yeah, that'd be nice. 

shoutout to the roomies

I love my roommates, and this short story will explain why.

They got married this past weekend, and I think it's safe to say across the board it was an amazingly fun time for everyone.  If it wasn't for you, shut it because it was most definitely your own fault.  So we've been eating out a lot the last couple days in celebration, in a means of seeing family, and so we don't have to cook.  Eating out as I've mentioned before, is not my best weight loss option but I wasn't completely gluttonous.  Last night as we were getting some ice cream, Diz asks me how getting back on track has been going since she's been listening to me complain about NOT being on track.  I quickly thought "I did not get fat by being honest, I will not lose by lying." and said "well... not quite there yet, but I will be."  Which I believe to be the truth.  She replies "Come on, Gidge!  You can do it!  I mean, you looked AMAZING in your dress this weekend, but seriously..."  and what she wasn't saying, that I heard loud and clear, was "Don't stop now.  You can get back on track.  I know you can.  And I don't want to listen to you complain about not losing for the next month."  (I probably improvised the last bit, but there's truth to every joke!)

It was exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear.  A little bit of encouragement, a little bit of a wake up call, and a little bit of a compliment.  It all equals some determination to get back on the WW plan, and back to the gym.  Think I'll make it every day this week?  Definitely today, definitely Thursday, definitely Friday.  Maybe tomorrow?  I'm hopefully camping again this weekend, and I'm getting better at healthy camp food.  So here I go, hopefully this is the last post about falling off the wagon and from here on out I continue to post success stories!  Thanks to everyone who reads this, I couldn't do it without you!

The plateau of July

I started out great these first couple months, I lost over 10 lbs!  It was awesome and I felt so great!  For the month of July, though, I've been yo-yo-ing around 4 lbs never making it lower than my lowest weight I reached at the end of June.  I'm not going to sugar coat it, that sucked.  I made some small goals to try and get back on track but I was really busy with all this wedding stuff that I quickly made the excuses as to why I wasn't doing as well as I had been, and when and how I would be fixing it--later.  I had a goal to get back to the lowest weight in time for the wedding and I did on Tuesday, but was back up again by Saturday.  After a day of sweltering heat, not eating all that much, and dancing like the freaking champ I am, I'm now one lb away from that goal.  (So stomach flu's and weddings are apparently great weight loss tools)  I'm sad that I've basically wasted this month.  It's good that I haven't gone back to my original weight and I've basically maintained an 8-9 lb loss so I know I can't lose sight of that, but well, I really wanted to keep losing like I did the first 2 months.  I can pin point exactly how this happened.  I have not come remotely close to figuring out how to eat well when not in the confines of my own home.  When I am camping, celebrating, or at a restaurant I don't really eat well.  My will power disappears and my excuses start flaring and I figure whatever damage I do this weekend I'll make up for in the coming week.  Except then I camp again or BBQ again the following weekend, and during said week I went out to the bar one night, and met people for lunch another day, and had other things going on that kept me from going to the gym.  I do realize the gym is imperative to my success here.  If I'm not going at LEAST 2-3 times a week, I will not lose.  3-4 is better but I should be able to accomplish 2-3.  I really just need to start living this lifestyle again, so I can start seeing more success.  The success I've had has been wonderful and people's comments to me has been a huge inspiration.  So I must get back to that place and pick up where I left off at the end of June.  As I said in other posts this month, I am not defeated, I accept the small wall that I have placed in front of me, and I will climb over and move on. 

Speaking of segues...

I haven't had much going on in the world of weight loss or DMA so there hasn't been much to blog about.  There IS a huge change coming this weekend though, as my dearest roommates (as well as my cousin and future c-law) are getting married on Saturday!  I am so thoroughly excited not only for the ridiculous party this entire time will be, but also to see two people who truly love each other express that love for all of their friends and family to see.  It's a pretty awesome thing to be a part of.  It's also going to have some kick ass music so I recommend crashing the ceremony just for the concert if nothing else.  Sorry though, the reception is booked. 

Failures?

I think my scale is broken.  It is the only way I can imagine me actually losing weight this week.  This was not a good week for me at all.  I was camping again twice, I worked out once, and I went to Denny's twice after a few cocktails twice, including last night about 6 hours before I weighed in.  Yet I still lost.  Regardless of losing weight, this was not a good week in the world of WW.  I'm still not even close to feeling defeated, in fact, I saw a girl I hadn't seen in over a year last night who has lost about 50 lbs and she looks fantastic and it inspired me to keep going.  I am no where near a goal right now but I'm seeing how changes I make create and effect a new lifestyle for me.  My willpower is not the strongest and sometimes I question it's existence but I must keep searching and trying to make myself better. 

Anywho that's all I wanted to share about this.  I'm only camping until Sunday, then I hope to hit the gym at least 4 times next week and I think I can since most things I have commitments for are in the afternoons/evenings.

Like my roommates'/cousin's wedding!!!!!!!!!!!  Okay that's in the afternoon but on a Saturday and I just really wanted to throw that in because we're all starting to get a little excited for it.  :) 

I did not get fat by being honest, I will not lose by lying.

Things I've Learned

Food is delicious. 

I said it.  And I mean it.  I really love food.  Especially yummy food.  Food and I are fast friends, the kind that when we haven't seen each other for a long time, we reconnect like no time has passed.  I reconnected with some friends these past couple weeks that I hadn't seen in awhile.  Some deliciously excessive and fatty friends.  Oh it was yummy, but now I can feel the difference.  I want to keep eating.  I was doing really well with controlled portions, and feeling satisfied with a "smaller" (more realistic) portion.  Now I feel a little like I did a couple months ago when I started, which is like I'm starving myself and I'm on a diet and I can't eat anything ever. 

Let's be serious, this is so not the case.  I just ate mac and cheese and a burger.  It was awesome, and it was pre-made so I know it was healthy.  But I want to keep eating, because whilst at camp, I would have.  Not a ton, but enough that I think I should right now.  Anywho, I think I've made my point here.  Falling off the wagon a bit has more repercussions than just on the scale.  Still, I'm climbing back on and will remain firmly in the wagon for a good while. 

On an unrelated note, I've also realized I am awkward at concerts.  I have never been one of those girls that can just sway along to the music, throwing the arm up in the air to share my approval of the song with others, shaking my groove thing back and forth... that scares me.  I have never learned to dance as if no one was watching.  In fact, if I dance, it is with fear that everyone is watching.  Then I get locked up in my head wondering if I look like an idiot or if maybe I just look like I'm enjoying the song, but then I miss out on the song because I'm so nervous thinking about what I look like.  What do I do with my hands?  If I put my hand in my pocket, do I look like I'm trying to look casual?  Would I normally stand with my hand in my pocket?  What if I raise my arm up and air pump to the beat?  Will it look sincere?  Oh god can I even shake my hips?  Am I just shifting weight from left leg to right leg?  Are my knees bent?  Should they be?  Wait, the song's over?  Maybe I should get another drink.

Musicals and Symphonies are SO much easier to attend.

My last addition to this random-catch-up-blog is a complaint.  I am officially registering a complaint about people who bring generators for a trailer to a non-electric campsite.  Let me be specific, a non-electric site that is 50 yards away from the loop of ELECTRIC CAMPSITES!  These morons ran their generator every day from who knows when in the am-12:00pm then again from 9:30pm-10 or 10:15pm.  EVERY DAY.  Save yourself the money on the generator and just get an electric campsite.  They're not much more expensive.  Seriously, this made so little sense and though it came no where near ruining my time at camp, it did thoroughly annoy me.  Instead of hearing the waves of Lake Ontario, and strange bird calls, and chipmunks, and my nieces and nephews, I heard vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
for hours. 

Stupid generator user camper dummies.  Who needs electricity to camp anyway?  Pssht.  Not this girl.

Falling off the wagon

Okay today is when I need you all the most.  I have basically spent the last 9-10 days not really following WW and only hitting the gym 3 times.  The scale has shown it, though not terribly, but enough that I have some catching up to do to maintain my 5 lbs/month goal I made back in April.  So I need you all to send positive energy and encouraging thoughts my way as I try not too feel guilty about taking a few days vacation and allowing myself a few spoils, whilst getting myself back on track.  I am the first to realize it is okay to fall off track for a bit but still get yourself back on and keep moving forward.  I know I'll be able to, it's more the guilt aspect I typically have trouble with.  Also the habits.  I spend a few days only moderately checking what I eat, I plan a few meals, but allow myself more leeway than usual.  Now I feel the urge to continue allowing myself that leeway "so long as I work it all off at the gym this week."  Let's be serious.  The leeway I'd take would not be worked off in one or two gym visits.  So it really is best to right now, today, this very minute, get back to the plan and pick up where I left off after the most amazing of weight loss weeks.  Who knows, maybe that's my new trend and I was just getting going but interrupted myself with a few camping trips/cookouts.  The biggest point here is it is all right to break away from the plan, so long as I get myself back on it.  So that's what I'm doing today.  I really want to go out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse and get a big old steak with mashed potatoes and gravy.  But that's the kind of meal I would consider a reward.  I have yet to earn a reward in recent weeks so why not grill up the steaks I have here and try out one of my WW recipes for potatoes?  Maybe even save a few points for a glass of wine? 

Yup, I will be back in control.  This week has not defeated me, but it was nice to take a small break from it all. 

I'm back beeches!!

looooong weekend!

Oh my goodness this weekend was long and awesome.  It was supposed to be long and awesome in the Adirondacks but sadly plans had to change due to a friend's sick grandpa.  Hopefully things are looking up there, so fingers crossed.  This meant I had to improvise 4th of July plans.  I very much succeeded and spent the weekend with all sorts of people I love, got lots of sun, ate lots of food, did not drink too much, and have more of all of that to look forward to when I go camping this week. 

Now, I am certain the scale will reflect the good times I had, though I managed to work in some activity in the form of velcro-catch monkey in the middle and wave jumping with my nieces, and I didn't gorge myself on fatty foods but I wasn't completely careful either.  I'm doing well, I am happy with the results, and I am going to smartly enjoy a week of relaxing at camp with my family.  I'll be sure tomorrow and Wednesday are gym days and I will plan breakfasts and lunches whilst at camp but other than that, bring on my Mama's cooking!  It is the definition of comfort food.  The best part, of course, is she takes my WW seriously and into account whenever possible.  So even when I'm eating her delicious cooking, I know it's got my best interests in mind.  My mom rocks. 

I'm just in good spirits recently and I think they're going to continue improving.  I feel like I'm slowly getting control of my life in some aspects, and that only helps me in figuring out how to be in control of other aspects so eventually I have my life on the track that is best for me.  :)  Hooray.  It's not perfect, I'm not done, there's a lot that's still out of control, and a lot I'd still love to change, but for now I will relish in the success of progress. 

It's a new dawn

Uh oh, I titled this blog with a song quote.  Can't recall if that's happened yet, and don't care to check.  But the reason is of course, I'm Feeling Good.  (cue awesome jazzy riff)  I got my hair did today and well, it's freaking awesome.  I have been jonesing for this change for awhile, I thought long and hard on it and knew it was right and then couldn't wait for hair cut day and today was the day and now it's passed but it was awesome.  As soon as my hair goddess lobbed off the first chunk (not long enough for locks of love, alas) and right on through when she started styling it, I knew I had made a great decision. 

You see, this whole blog is about change.  It's about my adventures in weight loss, as well as my adventures in DMA-land.  Both changes occur rather slowly right now and will hopefully pick up speed after the summer.  I'm starting to see and feel a difference in the weight loss front, and the DMA stuff won't really occur until I'm off visiting schools, but a hair cut, now that's something I can control right now.  So in a world of chaos and unknown I took something into my own hair goddess' scissors, and made a drastic change TODAY.  I must say, (to quote a favorite movie of mine) it's a good change!  It's a good change. 

Tomorrow is my weigh in for the week (I'm not really sure if anyone pays attention to that, sorry if that's redundant information) and after last week's epic loss I'm not so sure I'll compare.  I didn't make it to the gym as often, but I did eat well.  Last weekend's sporadic celebrations cost me on Monday but I think I made it back and hopefully lost more.  The idea of maintenance (though it is NOT bad, a defeat, a failure, an anything other than still not gaining) is daunting.  I'll know for sure tomorrow. 

Oh, it's a holiday weekend.  This could be dangerous.  I've been feeling a little ho-hum in the world of recipes.  I need to kick it up a notch.  And not with a recipe by Emeril, I just feel... stuck.  Hmm, that's not the right word.  Bored?  Fed up with cooking for myself?  Haha that might be closer to it than anything.  Won't someone come cook for me once in awhile?  But please, don't ask me what I want.  Kindly read my mind, and whip up the most delicious low-point meal ever seen by human eyes that is all for me.  I will repay you with at least a hug.  And probably some baked good.  I am an excellent baker.