Fin. Part 1

I'm done with classes.  My first semester of classes in my DMA.  Done.  Only 5 more semesters to go and surprisingly that seems like such a short amount of time. 

This one semester has been incredible.  My perspective on everything has changed.  I look at school as this opportunity to better myself in every aspect of my life.  I no longer think of it as a routine of classes and assignments to earn the piece of paper that says I can do a job.  After working for 5 years I see so clearly how everything I am doing applies to my work in the future.  I also am more self aware.  Living alone is incredible and gives you a lot of time to figure things out.  Living alone and over 600 miles from your family is daunting but also helps you figure things out.  Things like, what matters.  What really really matters.  I live in NC now and I am so ridiculously happy here but going home to Syracuse and seeing the fam is going to be so good.  So, so, so, so very good. 

Then there are the friends I have been making.  It seems like I make new ones every day.  That's not all together surprising given that I constantly meet new people, but I am in a graduate program.  A program filled with other like-minded individuals with similar goals and talents and outlooks.  This makes for plenty of great conversation and therefore plenty of great friendships.  I can honestly say I will miss a lot of these people when I'm home for a few weeks.  That's so wonderful to say!  I am starting to see my life taking shape here in Greensboro.  It's not that I am leaving Syracuse behind completely because as a young man I went to high school with used to say, "You can take the girl out of Mattydale, but you can't take the Mattydale out of the girl."  I personally find that encouraging.  I love being from the 'Dale and it's a great part of who I am.  That being said, now I live in Greensboro.  The accents and the lingo are more commonplace.  I was invited to an open house to basically look at someone's Christmas decorations.  I mean, seriously.  Invitations and all.  But I digress...  It's beginning to feel less like I'm here for just school, and a little more like this is where my life is.  I will always be excited to go home and see my family, but I also know I will be excited to come back and see my new family here in the G'boro. 

So how would I rate my first semester?  Apart from incredible?  I think it would rate as the most significant few months of my life, to date.  Things change, and we all change and grow, and school should always be a part of that growing process.  These changes I've made are so right.  They're not permanent yet, I have a ways to go before I'm truly happy with my progress but I am on the right track. 

I have a friend who is going to be a professional singer.  I have many friends that want to be professional singers.  This friend, however, has things in order so that a career is going to happen.  It's still a few years off because that's how the opera world functions, but to know that with each progressive audition that career is a step closer, is awesome to me.  This friend is literally two steps away from a near-guaranteed career.  (About as guaranteed as this fickle business can be.)  That's exactly where I'm at in doing this DMA.  I don't know that I'd say I'm two steps away but I'm certainly only a couple of years.  This degree is already preparing me in ways I never dreamed of for my future career.  I am going to have a career as a teacher.  I know I am.  This degree and being here make that notion so clear to me.  It's comforting, really, to know so securely that I am doing the right thing.  Nights like tonight make that even clearer.  I held "mock juries" for my students, like a dress rehearsal for their final performances.  My students are all so fun.  They're all individuals and they've all improved and they're all excited to do this.  I left tonight not feeling drained but feeling invigorated.  I can do this for the rest of my life.  AND be completely happy doing it.  I've felt that way about teaching for awhile, but now I really believe it, and I can see it happening.  If I keep learning and growing at this rate, I can only imagine how unstoppable I'll be.  However, before I go imagining myself after semester #6, I should likely get to surviving semesters #2-5...

Where has the time gone?

Well hey there two months later blog.  It certainly wasn't a lack of activity in my life that has kept me from updating.  More like a settling into a routine.  I have 8 more days of class before my first semester of my DMA is complete.  After that I have 2 finals to take, two days of juries to listen to, and then grading.  After that I have some singing to do and then I get to come home to the 'Cuse and see peeps I haven't seen in nearly 5 months.  Thinking of how far away Christmas is makes this next month seem SOOO LOOOONG.

So let's see.  My first semester has been mind blowing.  To be as concise as possible, I'm singing better than I ever thought possible, I have already made some lifelong friends, my teaching is improving every day, I'm learning and fine tuning a lot in my classes, and I'm being cast in the operas.  In February we are doing "Help!  Help!  The Globolinks!" by Menotti (I'll wait while you process that and likely check the googler.)  It's a children's opera and I play Madame Euterpova, an overly dramatic music teacher who has a thing for the Dean.  It's a lot of fun.  This show is double cast and my cohort is incredible.  We have a ton of fun in every rehearsal and she makes this process so much more fun than it already is.  We also cast our Spring opera which goes up in April.  We're doing Massenet's "Cendrillon" which is Cinderella and I was cast as Cinderella.  Which is just awesome.  This one is not double cast currently so I think the plan is I will not get sick.  Ever.  At all.  It's going to be intense because the two shows will overlap for a couple weeks but if I'm being honest, I'm really excited about the prospect.  It's going to be a taste of the professional world, sort of.  I mean, it's still very academic and all but being involved with multiple productions at the same time I think will be pretty cool.  Now, we'll see what I say when February rolls around but for now, I will enjoy my excitement. 

Other than this I am really looking forward to heading back to Nashville for Thanksgiving break.  Fall break took forever to arrive, and Thanksgiving seems to have snuck up on me as it was so recently Halloween I'm not entirely sure what happened.  But my body and brain are telling me they need a break.  This semester has not been nearly as stressful as many others I've put myself through, but there are all sorts of different levels of stress that are taking a different toll on me.  Mostly it revolves around being away from the family.  I'm just not used to it.  As I said, I have made some incredible friends.  I think that is a large part of why the time is flying.  :)  But sometimes I wish I moved down with someone.  Or was close enough to go home for a break.  I simply know that next year and in years to come I have to budget smartly in order to have money for flights for these things.  I'm using my JetBlue rewards card again so hopefully I can start racking up points for miles.  My point is, 5 months (really, 3 months) is too long to go w/o seeing my family.  For the time being I have to accept that and make sure that never happens again.  I see no problems with this.  The longer I'm here, the more settled everything gets, the more routine and into this degree I get, I know will likely impact my feelings on this matter, but for now, I stand by what I said. 

So I'm really tired and kind of waiting until it's an appropriate time to go to bed.  I think I'm nearly there.  I'll try to update more frequently mostly to keep you northerners up to date on the goings-on of life in Greensboro, but I make no promises. 

Oh, one more thing.  It was in the 40's this week and the number of winter coats and hats and gloves was incredible.  I may bring the gloves out soon because my fingers are incessantly cold, but I see no need for a winter coat so I still rock the fall jacket.  And I laugh openly at silly southerners.  This, too, shall likely change the longer I'm here but for now I love it!

All I wanna do is zum-a zum, zum-ba.

So a small throw back to the origins of this blog and my battle with (surrender of) weight loss.  I started doing Zumba.  Holy crap it is exactly as all the hype describes.  It is high intensity, high cardio, high energy, and so much fun you can't even believe you're working out.  (Not entirely true, there were a few times I definitely knew I was using some serious muscles.)  My favorite part is I was not the tallest, shortest, fattest, thinnest, oldest, youngest, most coordinated, least coordinated, most advanced or most modified person there.  If you have enough energy to do the moves, rock them perfectly, AND pay attention to what other people are doing in order to judge them, you don't need Zumba.  (Really, those people don't go.)  What I'm getting at is it really is a comfortable and welcoming environment to get your groove on.  That is, until you fall over.  Then it's less fun.

I was attending my second Zumba class ever and was so super excited for getting into a routine and getting back on track with some exercise and weight loss.  If I liked this class I was going to buy their special that included unlimited Zumba for the rest of 2012.  A lot of the women there have been to tons of classes so they know all the steps.  They were even leading when Patrick (our Zumba jedi) was fixing a speaker 2 songs in.  So we're rocking out and I'm loving it again and I was learning as we went so when we did a "walk, walk, walk, turn, jump, kick!" I thought "I can do that." and joined in as we did the same move in the opposite direction.  What happened next gets fuzzy.  In my estimation, I tried to turn, jump, and kick all at the same time.  As you can guess, this did not end well for me.  I rolled right over my right ankle and landed on the floor.  All things considered, 'twas a very graceful fall.  This woman behind me lifted me up with one arm (crap she was strong.  I'm attributing that to all her crazy Zumba-ing.) and the woman next to me empathized saying she had fallen last week.  But I knew it was worse.  I had felt the little "pop-pop-pop" in the ankle as I went down.  Bad news bears.  I sprained the damn thing again.  Worst part was we were only 20 minutes into the class so I couldn't even have gotten MOST of the workout before falling over.  So I hobbled my sweaty self out and drove home.

Since then it's gotten better every day.  It was craaaaazy swollen and had the awesome gross bruising.  I got a brace from health services which has helped out a lot.  I hobble around, take the elevator most times and try to keep it elevated when I'm home.  As of today it was barely swollen when I got up in the morning!  But I'm sure it will be all puffy again at night from being on it all day.  It's at the point of being an inconvenience now.  It just gets sore, or uncomfortable, or makes my left leg uncomfortable because I'm favoring it.  It's no surprise I was distracted enough to make some great sounds in my voice lesson when I'm standing on one leg with my right foot dangling through the side of a chair using a t-shirt to hold my neck up without using my shoulders. 

I plan to go back to Zumba.  I liked it too much not to.  An hour of amazing work out practically done for you?  Count me in.  I'll be wearing the brace I think whenever I go for extra support.  Especially since it's the same ankle I sprained when I was a freshman (*cough* 11 years ago *cough*) but mark my words I will be back.  Until then, I spend most of my free time sitting on my couch or love seat with my foot up on a pillow.  I know these things take time but holy cow it's exhausting going through a musician's schedule with only one foot.  I come home so tired from the day all I wanna do is rest.  When I get my foot up, it's the only time it feels comfortable.  But not just reclined.  That's still angling downward.  I need the pillow underneath to really elevate it, and that's when I feel I can rest.  But then my shoulders and back start hurting because it's a comfy couch but not a really lumbar supporting kind of couch to spend hours on.  All of this points to why I think I need more Zumba.  My body has grown complacent with lack of activity.  I find this to be true in most aspects of my life.  So I will continue to take care of this ankle and not push myself as I need to so I can recover appropriately and get my rear back to class. 

Oh, btw, I've been in class for a month now and gone from Syracuse for nearly two.  Can you stand it?  Three months till Christmas!  Christmas has long been my favorite holiday and being able to go home for it has only added to that love.  :)  I may get a Sirius XM subscription again just to enjoy the many many channels of Christmas tunes!  (Though there are three I particularly enjoy.)  I miss a lot back home.  A lot of times it's the routine and the knowing what to expect that I miss.  There are always the people that I miss.  This gets easier as the semester picks up because as we all know, there are simply those few months I don't see many people if you are not directly involved with what I do on a day-to-day basis.  That helps with the missing.  It's that, for instance, when I have a night off, I can't call up Stan to go hang with her and the kiddles.  I won't get a text from Dee asking me to come out for a night since she has a night off.  I can't go over to Terry and Annie's for who knows what, and end up staying the night because someone thought Scotch was a good idea after 2 bottles of wine.....  (Mayhaps these are not all terrible things to miss.) 

This is my life now, though.  North Carolina, and school.  And I love it.  So now I turn to you, and say "Come visit me dangit!"

A Blog about a Bog

I'm still very much enjoying my easy peasy weekends here in sunny Greensboro.  My course load, though demanding, is really easy for me and I'm finding I have no trouble staying on top of my work.  (Let's all say a small prayer that this continues for the next 3 years.) 

(Amen.)

So today I slept in till 8:30. (aaaand I'm an adult.)  I decided I wanted to see more of Greensboro so I googled "Things to do in Greensboro" and came upon a website that has reviews and top rated activities, and low and behold I've been to 4 of the top 10 already!  So I found a new one, a Bog Garden, and decided that would be nice.  After finding the damn place, it was indeed lovely.  Exactly as a bog should be.  Lots of trees and green, some mushy areas you shouldn't walk, a boardwalk, lots of ducks and geese, and a faint smell of... something not good.  It was also humid as all get out.  Oh my goodness humidity the likes of which you wouldn't believe.  It gets humid in Syracuse and I know that and I'm used to that.  This is OPPRESSIVE.  Sweat just beads up and trickles down, well, everywhere.  There is simply no point in trying to do your hair.  A seemingly pleasant day becomes unbearable  the exact moment you realize the air isn't too hot, but you are a sweaty mess.  It sucks, to put it plainly.  But the bog was otherwise an enjoyable event. 

Apparently we're supposed to get some big storm between 2-4 today and I heard it thunder and took two successive pictures of a beautiful sun-shiney scene followed immediately by death in the form of storm clouds, but as of yet it's still sunny at Lincoln Green.  I postponed my practice because I'm hoping to avoid being out in the storm.  Mayhaps the storm will miss this area. 

Well getting off topic from the weather, I have been cast in "Help, Help!  The Globolinks!"  A children's opera by Menotti in which I play Madame Euterpova, the music teacher.  Google it.  It's a pretty good part with lots-o-high notes so clearly I'm happy.  :)  I'm looking forward to doing more performing here.  I feel that's when you really start to get to know people.  So that should be starting sometime next week but the shows aren't until February.  It's going to be a more sporadic rehearsal process than normal but hopefully that will keep it from being a stressful one.  We shall see. 

Um, um, um, um, um... Overall I'm still doing well with homesickness.  Last weekend was Jagerday and I certainly missed home during that.  Today is Beebs' birthday party and I'd love to be there.  But this is all a part of growing up.  I can't hang onto everything I loved about home and still be successful while away.  As much as I miss it and wish I was there, I am so happy here and so confident I'm doing the right thing, that it simply has to be okay.  So I do miss home and my friends and especially my family, but I know it will get easier the longer I'm here because I'll just keep reinforcing that this is the perfect place for me. 

Well, I told myself if I were to postpone my practice time I'd have to do something really productive.  So now I'm off to go figure out what that might be.

To Do List:
1. Make a to do list.
2. Cross off first thing on the To Do List.
3. Realize you've already accomplished two things on the list
4. Reward yourself with a nap (in progress)

Oh, the storm just got here.  This was worth waiting for. 

Hugs and doppelgangers. In that order.

So I'm back to school.  Like, in school and attending classes.  I sit down and let other people learn me some stuff.  It's AWESOME.  Anyone who wondered why I'd want to go back to school or who worried about me being "a student again" can rest easy because this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.  It's so obvious it's almost silly. 

Of course I'm homesick.  I get homesick because I'm a human being with feelings and junk.  I miss my friends, I miss my crazy awesome family, I miss a quick text to set up some plans and go grab a drink, or a string of mass texts to get people together for a night out.  I miss the Fellows, sort of.  I really like central air and counter tops so it's hard to think of much else when it comes to that place, but yeah, I miss the Fellows too.  (I miss my fellows, of course.)  I could keep going, I miss my students, I miss my routine, I miss the anticipation for Jagerday... but most of all I miss hugs.  I've hugged many a person here in NC.  They really are fantastic people and good for hugging.  But there is a kind of hug you get and give someone that you know.  No one here has known me more than a few weeks.  I am a physical-contact kind of lady.  I'm a toucher.  Not in the inappropriate sense, mind you, but I like hugs, and pats on the arm and little back rubs and physical contact.  It's a part of intimacy for me, or something like that.  Whatever I mean to say that I feel more connected to people when we have physical contact.  That's why.  So I'm just not at that point yet with the new people.  Which is fine!  I would actually find it a little strange if this weren't the situation.  It's just what I've noticed most about what I miss from NY. 

One of the strangest things to deal with having moved away from everyone is the doppelganger situation.  My brain is still programed to expect to see certain people in certain places.  So I do.  My brain sees someone and processes so quickly it thinks it is someone I know when it is absolutely NOT someone I know.  Jim has a doppelganger in the music school.  I nearly dropped my books and stared open-mouthed when I first saw the kid.  His is the most striking.  Other people have peripheral doppelgangers.  Out of the corner of my eye I swear I just saw Terry, or Princess, or the weirder ones when I'm reminded of someone from high school that I haven't seen in over 11 years.  The brain I think seeks out what it knows when we are someplace new.  Mine certainly does.  I think my brain is trying so hard to recognize someone it is instantly creating age-renderings of people I knew when I was a teenager.  Fortunately I let my little sightings take me back to a memory with their true counterpart and I smile as I remember someone fondly from home.  I have yet to take the Shannon-route and walk up to someone to tell them they look very familiar and have we by chance met before?? 

The brain.  So weird. 

School is great and I am great and my apartment is great and the people are great.  Now you know everything you need to and thankyouverymuchhaveaniceday. 

Maybe it's the wine talking...

...but I'm in quite the "share the love" kind of mood tonight.  I don't know.  I uprooted my entire life and moved 5 states and over 600 miles away from everyone I know and love.  I'm going back to school after being the professor for 5 years.  I'm living completely alone and responsible for all of the bills.  But I'm pretty sure I have not been this happy in a long time.  Now I mean no offense to my peeps back home.  Don't get me wrong, I am very happy when I'm home and I love seeing you and spending time with you, and I miss you all terribly.  (Okay Princess?)  :)  I'm happy.  I spent about two years thinking about this decision to get a DMA and I did everything I had to in order to make this possible and now that it's happening, it couldn't be more right.  I have chosen the absolute perfect program for me.  I see that more and more every day.  I met a bunch of the voice grad students this past weekend and realized rather quickly that they're like me.  They are immensely talented and driven, and successful, but they are humble and smart and sincere.  It's a mixture of ages, places in life, and home towns (though mostly east coast from what I gather) but every single person I meet cements my first impression that these are the people I should be growing with.  Throw into that my new voice teacher who I'm not sure could be a better match for me, and I can't help but be happy and excited about what's coming over the next three years. 

So that's all really.  Just a quick note to let you all know that I am really happy here and barring no major disasters (because let's be real, life happens) I see this being the greatest adventure of my life.  Just like I hoped it would be. 

I can't sleep.

I have "TA training" from 8am-5pm tomorrow.  That sucks ass.  What sucks worse is I can't for the life of me fall asleep.  I would have been okay, I think, but I got an e-mail from my new voice teacher with some updates on how we may approach my repertoire (current and new) and talking about church jobs, and BAM.  I am wide awake and in no mood for sleep.  When I try, I lay here thinking about weekly voice lessons, opera auditions, accompanying, imparting my skills in a whole new state.  The excitement of performance and growth is making sleep a far away notion.  This also tends to happen when I know I have to be up in the morning.  So tomorrow will drag even more so than it would have originally, but I don't care.  I'm going to be singing again REAL soon.  Like, real-real soon. 

I did have a productive day, though.  After reading more of my book I decided to take action and accomplish some school-related tasks.  I successfully found a free parking spot, got my parking permit, walked to the student ID center (across the street from the parking office.  How conVEEEEnient.), meandered over to the music building only taking one minor detour, signed up for some classroom keys for my teaching spaces, and walked back to my car in the most direct path even with my car being nearly on another side of campus.  After all that, I came home and napped on my love seat.  But then I got another suitcase put away after an inspirational talk from my sister, and went to dinner with my upstairs neighbor and her new masters student friend who is also stuck in the god awful training tomorrow.  So we shall suffer together. 

This has been most of my days so far.  Some reading, some unpacking, some laying, some cooking... but I'll soon be adding some studying to that.  I have a couple diagnostic exams next week (tests to see if I need a brush-up course in theory or history) and I'd like to pass those with flying colors because I do NOT want to take a brush-up in anything.  Before I know it, classes will have started and I'll be teaching and learning all at once!  I hope to stay on top of my crap.  I'm really good at making excuses and I'd like to change that about myself.  My hope is that I will be at least one week ahead in my planning for Class Voice, and I'll be caught up with all reading assignments for my courses.  It's achievable, but as a goddess in the heavens of procrastination, this can go downhill fast.  The difference here is I don't have the distractions of home.  I'm not teaching 19 students, planning a history course I've never taught before, music directing shows, teaching private lessons and singing with a church choir whilst trying to maintain a semblance of a social life.  So it should all be just fine. 

Well I guess I'll quit keeping you all from your productive lives simply because I can't sleep.  I can't really call this a blog.  This was more of a catch-up e-mail.  So I shall end it as such.

Love always,
~Bridget

I asked for it.

Change.  When something is no longer the same.  I cannot and do not believe this is here and this is really happening.  I live in North Carolina now.  I have my very own apartment with all my own furniture and everything in here is mine.  I'm hundreds of miles from everyone I know and love, and I start school in 2 weeks.  As you'd expect, living alone, having my own place, starting school-- are not monumental moments, but are actually really, really nice.  It's the being away from everyone that's put the knot in my stomach.  Not a huge one, mind you, one that was small enough to go unnoticed for a few hours, but large enough to keep me from being hungry a majority of the day.   

So let's back this up.  All last week I was trying to prepare for this move.  I wanted everything packed and organized in a way that would make loading and unloading the truck really easy.  I had tons of helpers who really pulled through and made this possible.  I was also trying to see as many people as I could before leaving and trying to hit up some of my favorite spots too.  (Including a day trip with Jim out to Herkimer, and up to Custard Cottage with a detour through Old Forge.)  When Thursday rolled around and it was pack-the-truck day, I started to feel the anxiety of moving.  I never got overwhelmed, I never broke down and cried, I simply accepted it.  I accepted that this was happening, and there were numerous things that had to be done in order to accomplish the move.  So I approached moving as a set of small, achievable tasks.  I think that helped keep me from freaking out.  It also helped that I didn't really say goodbye to anyone.  I said a lot of "See you later!"  or "Till next time!"  and that helped keep things in perspective.  I mean, let's face it.  I'm not gone forever.  I'm gone for a few months.  Think about it.  During musical time, who all do I actually see for those few months if you're not directly involved with the shows I'm doing?  Think of it like that, and it's not so bad anymore.

I digress.  Thursday is truck packing day and Pupah came over to help me finish getting stuff into boxes and before I knew it, it's 5:00 and time to get the truck.  From there, things start to blur.  My cousin Sean, my friend Stewart, my girl Kristy, and then Stan, Mom and Dad all came to help load up Big Mama.  (The truck.)  I received the blessing from my mom that I had prepped pretty well and the whole process went smoothly.  Sean's UPS skills came in handy as he spear headed the load-in, and honestly, not a thing moved from Thursday night until Saturday afternoon.  Seriously not a box shifted, not a lamp broke, everything showed up in the same condition it was in when we left.  After celebrating our victory at Zebb's, it was time for bed.  Sleep was not my friend last week as I really wanted it to be, which is probably why it wasn't, but there was nothing to be done for that.  Friday became a "get everything done that I didn't do this week" kind of day and I even threw in a few extras.  My sister Kristy was a huge help as we cleaned out the rest of the Fellows, and ran errands to prep for the drive.  This was the first moment I felt a little emotional.  I walked through the Fellows, kinda stopped in each room, had a sad song playing in my head to accentuate the moment, and thought of a few memories before moving on to the next.  That place was my home for 4 years and it was wonderful.  I'm entirely different now than I was when I moved in.  A lot of what I learned living at the Fellows has prepared me for living alone now.  I'm sad to have had to leave, but happy to have so many memories.

So after a brief rest, I get up and shower and the whole family prepares for take off.  Around 11:45pm we officially head south for Greensboro.  With stops for gas, bathrooms, stretching, and driver-shifting, we arrived in Greensboro at 12:20pm Saturday afternoon.  My adrenaline was pumping and here we experience the second time I felt emotional regarding this move.  When I opened my door for the very first time and walked around, I had that "Oh shit, this is really happening." moment.  After a second I pulled it together and we started the unloading process.  It was as easy as I'd hoped it would be.  Dad, Kristy, and I would unload boxes and get them to Stan and Mom who referenced my list and placed the boxes in the appropriate rooms.  When we were tired or too hot we'd rest.  When we were on a roll, we kept going.  We even got all of my furniture out and into the apartment with no issue.  My family is full of rock stars and they shone brightest on Saturday.  We had everything done and inside before we even went to get Shannon.  From here the next couple days blend together.  There was shopping, eating, laughing, more eating, TONS more laughing, some sleeping, and a lot of unpacking.  I discovered that some furniture pieces that I've had for decades I no longer need simply because they no longer serve a purpose.  Now that I have a bathroom with space for all of my stuff that I don't have to share with anyone, I don't need two separate surfaces to lay out make up and hair supplies.  Now that I have fancy new bookcases (a gift from the fam!) I no longer need an old bookcase covered in crayon and gum.  Growing up is strange indeed.

The laughing is probably the part I'll remember most from this whole trip.  All six of us are parts of a larger whole and have very similar senses of humor.  Combine that with the fact that we're all a little bit awesome and you have yourself an entertaining time.  Seriously, we would be in a restaurant, or sitting in my living room, or split up between two cars, and the laughter would flow freely from everyone and everywhere.  No one yelled.  No one got mad.  There were times that exhaustion would rear its ugly head and people would feel a little tense.  Those were the times we sought solitude.  Everyone respected each others needs for solitude and space, as much as everyone was there the second they were needed.  It was absolutely incredible to have my family here for this.  Now that I'm hundreds of miles away, I feel closer to them all. 

So that brings us back to today.  Shannon left last night and the rest left this morning.  I didn't cry, I didn't freak out, but I did get the knot in my stomach.  I spent a lot of today sitting.  I still need to take it all in.  There is lots to do, but I have nothing but time right now.  Today I built the 3rd bookcase, emptied the boxes of music and books (though there are a solid 5 books I can't find right now... that's mildly concerning) and shifted around a cupboard and couple drawers in the kitchen.  The rest of the time was spent napping, sitting on the internet or playing spider solitaire, or sitting.  I know me and I know this is how I deal.  There is a very good reason I took 2 years to wrap my head around pursuing a DMA.  It makes no sense to think I will be a fully functioning human being in mere hours living 5 states away from where I was born.  So I will continue to do this my way, and continue tackling one box at a time.  I have one room that needs a lot of work, and my bedroom that needs a moderate amount of work.  I still need to purchase a few storage units for my music files, and something for the dining room, but I have furniture, art work on the walls, and little imprints of my whole family being here with me for my first few days in North Carolina.  I'm gonna be just fine.

I should be packing.

Over a year ago I began this blog about my adventures in weight loss and DMA research.  It seems like so long ago yet the year went by so fast.  I move in a week.  One week from today I'll be packing up the moving van and one week from tomorrow I drive down-country with my family and begin the biggest adventure of my life.  Have I really stopped to think about this?  Have I actually gotten it through my head that I am moving away?  I'm not just going away to school and I'll be home for every break, but I am moving.  I will be a resident of North Carolina.  No longer a New Yorker.  (On paper.  Let's be serious here.  You can take the girl out of Mattydale, but you'll never take the Mattydale out of the girl.)  My responsibilities change dramatically.  I go back to being a student. 

I mean, these are all things I can handle.  I won't know exactly how I'll handle them until I'm moved in and my family is gone and I'm really alone for the first time.  What is that going to be like?  I play out numerous scenarios in my head that include me spending the time studying for diagnostics and reading my text books before classes begin and preparing syllabi and my units for class voice, then others where I explore the city and meet neighbors and spend the time relaxing, then others where I paint my entire apartment, and still others where I sit on my couch on facebook waiting for updates from up north.  If I'm being honest with myself, I imagine it will be a combination of all of these. 

The most common question I've been asked is if I'm excited for the big move.  I realize I can't answer that because I learned a long time ago how to survive with my schedule and that is by focusing everything on the task at hand.  If I try to dabble in everything I do all at once, I get overloaded and freak out.  So I pour my energies into the most pressing and current issue and once that's completed, move onto the next.  After Steve's passing that task was Stanley and the kids.  On top of that I had King Lear.  Once that opened I had Avenue Q.  Then Ave Q opened and I still... had... Ave Q... but now that's done and I can really focus on packing and moving.  I have a few boxes packed and most of the stuff that's not mine returned to rightful owners, and I have a lot of stuff organized.  I also have a lot of grand plans for my final week in Syracuse so it should be interesting to see how it all works out.  Anyway, I am excited.  It's something new and just for me and involves a lot of things I do well.  I have fears, of course, plenty of them.  I want more than anything for UNCG to be a good fit for me.  I want to have a smooth semester and start on track to graduate on time.  I'll make friends.  I've no doubt about that.  I'm as social as my mother with my father's sense of humor.  Clearly that won't be a problem.  ;)  The fears are there but the newness of it all and the knowledge that I am doing the right thing should be enough to keep me going.

I mostly needed to get this out of my head and into the interwebs.  Things are going to be changing in a big way.  And, as you know by the title of this blog, that's all I've been asking for. 

The Worst Goodbye

I've mentioned that as I prepare to move, I've had to start saying goodbyes.  It started when I finished the show in North Syracuse, then the show in Bville, soon it will be friends and family, but goodbyes aren't necessarily goodbyes.  I like to see them as "till next time!" situations.  We don't know how or when we'll see each other again, but there's always the knowledge that it could happen.  Maybe when it's planned, and even more fun is when it's not planned. 

Then there are the worst goodbyes.  The kinds that happen when we don't want them to, when we are unprepared and the kind that don't have a "till next time" option.  This, as most of you know, is what my family went through one month ago. 

My brother-in-law, Steve-o, just 33, died suddenly Sunday night, May 20th around 11pm.  It sucked.  Actually, it still sucks.  And I have so much I want to say about it but I wouldn't know where to begin.  It has been an insane time and we're all getting by minute by minute sometimes. 

You see, I want to bitch about the unfairness of it all.  I want to yell and scream that it's just not fair.  He was not ready to go, and my sister should not have to go through this.  I also want to yell about how unfair it is that lives will go on and people will return to their daily routine, (and this includes me) but life in Stan's house will forever be changed. There will develop a new sense of "normal" or what that will be for them from here on out, but it just sucks. 

Now, I have a small bone to pick here and I'm certain it may offend some but I also think if you took a step back and gave it a good thought, you may agree with me. 

People all need to grieve in their own way.  Everyone knows this is a hard time for Stan and her family.  What I don't understand is people asking "How are you?"  or  "How is it going today?"  Because, your life has probably moved along and you spared a thought for Stan and decided to check in, or maybe you ran into her somewhere and remembered she's been suffering for awhile, so the best thing for you to do is bring it all back up and ask her. 

My question here is, what do you think her response is going to be?  Do you REALLY think that in just one month she is going to tell you everything is fine?  She's doing great and can't wait for another week to start?  I know people are not being rude when they ask, au contraire they are being quite polite and thoughtful but they need to take that thoughtfulness a step further.  Would YOU want to be constantly reminded of the single most horific event in your life every time you talk to the general public?  Neither does she.  So please, for the love of Pete, spare a thought for her and the kids, but spare an extra thought and find another way to share that thought.  Buy a mass card, donate to a charity, do some good in this world... just don't give the sad pity eyes and expect a dissertation on the goings on in our daily lives as we all struggle to deal with this. 


I should also add that we are doing okay, all things considered.  Kelley has been back at work for 2 weeks and does not lay in bed crying every night.  She goes out, she's been social.  She smiles and laughs at funny things, and when something reminds her of Steve we talk about it and spend some time remembering him.  There is so much negativity in the world and so much to fear it makes no sense to any of us why you'd spend your waking minutes dwelling on negativity and being negative.  It's just not the Moriarty way.  If you do want to know more or want to check in on Stan, ask me.  I would love nothing more than to intercept those questions of sympathy and deal with them all for her so she doesn't have to see the pity eyes.  Or you can just accept that it still sucks, it's going to suck, and we all are moving forward as best we can.


In looking towards the positive of all of this, the kindness of people is overwhelming.  The outpouring of love, generosity and support from you has helped us all get through this.  Letters, cards, money, FOOD, cleaning, (pending) yard work, even your presence has been recognized and appreciated.  It is humbling to see so many kind and generous people show up to support my sister in what is single handedly the worst time in her life.  I'll never be able to express my thanks appropriately, but please know we appreciate each and every one of you. 

On a personal note, (hey, it's my blog.  come off it.)  If I can't give Steve back to Kelley, I would want nothing more than to take this pain and suffering off of her shoulders and bear it myself so she can try and move on with her life.  I'll never be able to do that for her, I know, but I help as best as I can.  Stan is incredible.  She smiles through the pain, keeps her children fed and happy, and step by step is tying up all of the loose ends like a champ.  I love her and though I haven't been this tired in years, I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. 

I love you Stan.

Back to the N-C

The long awaited update post-NC trip! 

I hope no one passed out in anticipation.  Pretty sure I specifically asked you not to. 

Things are starting to feel more official.  I spent a good 4 days in the Greensboro area and had a bunch of lessons, found an apartment, and met some other grad students.  All in all, a productive trip. 

My new apartment can be found here.  If you search floor plans, I have the "Birch" floor plan.  Sadly, no fireplace.  I could have gotten one with a fireplace but the rent was significantly higher for the few months of winter they experience.  So naturally I will live sans fireplace for a year and decide if it's worth it after spending a winter down south.  Other than that it's spacious, has appliances like a dishwasher and a washer/dryer hook up, there's a fitness center so I'll save money with cancelling my PF membership, there's a couple pools, some ponds for fishing, a little spot for grilling, and it's across the street from a national park with miles of trails to bike/walk/yog along.  (I prefer the phonetic spelling of the soft "j".)  So yeah, it's adorable, I'm excited, and I get to paint the walls so I think I'm going to. 

As for the school, it was great seeing it again through different eyes.  Before I was looking as an exhausted prospective student who had seen 3 other schools the 3 previous weekends and though the sunshine was nice, just wanted the process done with.  Now, I was seeing how beautiful the grounds are, how there are gardens everywhere, how nicely laid out the music building appears to be, how well the sound proofing works, and how awesome the faculty is.  I knew the faculty was pretty great after my audition, this just reaffirmed it. 

I had 4 voice lessons whilst there.  From these four, I have to choose my studio teacher for my time in Greensboro.  It's a hard decision.  I got a lot from every lesson I took.  One lesson has stuck out in my mind more than the others and as I do with all major decisions I try not to think about it too much and see which answer appears on its own when I'm not paying attention.  I think I have the right choice in my head, now I have to put it into e-mails. 

I was fortunate enough, again, to stay with the Rein's and I couldn't have done this without their hospitality and kindness.  They brought me to church, drove around Greensboro and went apartment hunting with me, even prepared me a breakfast and lunch as I ran out the door one day!  They are wonderful human beings and I am so blessed to have them nearby when I move. 

So when is the big move?  Sometime in the last week of July.  My move in day is July 27th because that got me the cheapest rent.  I do NOT know why a difference of a day can make a difference of $15/month, but whatever, I went with it.  So now I will really start this whole moving business.  I'm looking around my house and seeing what I can start to pack up - books I don't use, dresses I won't wear, winter clothes and jackets, etc.  I also have to start really thinking about classes, my schedule, registering, setting up my student accounts, etc.  There's a lot to do, but I'll do what I do best, which is make a list, and start tackling it one by one.  As this is my week off between finishing up SU, NYSSMA and visiting UNCG, and the shows I'll be working on, now is a great time to get organized. 

It's been almost a year since I've been blogging, and though I haven't been the most consistent with it, it's been really helpful for me to get thoughts down into words and to make it accessible to everyone I like.  (and maybe some people I don't like... I suppose I don't really know who reads this)  What began as a weight-loss/DMA insanity blog will probably turn into a weight-loss/new chapter of my life blog.  Happy reading!

Birthdays, Count-downs, Self-Discoveries.

First off, a bit of a celebration.  Not only was it my birthday on Friday, but I managed to lose the 3 lbs I posted about last week.  It took work but not super hard work, and it took a commitment to going to the gym and not eating everything delicious in sight.  I haven't hopped on the scale since the birthday weekend which I can guarantee you I did not track a damn thing, so I'm sure I'm playing catch-up this week, but I was proud of my accomplishment. 

How was my birthday?  That's so nice of you to ask!  I had an amazing weekend.  My homo-lifemate, Dave, came up from LI to celebrate with me and, well, we celebrated the crap out of it.  I also got to see a lot of people I love and care about so that's really the best part of a birthday.  I used to hate when I worked on my bday because, work sucks.  Two birthdays ago I had the day off so I met a friend for lunch, then went and got some dinner with Jim and the Fellows, then we hung out and watched a movie.  (Princess and the Frog.  Not sure why I remember these things.)  Overall it was a really nice birthday, but uneventful.  Last year, I taught all day and my students repeatedly wished me a happy birthday, some even coming back after their lessons with sweets and other small gifts, then I had dinner with Col at Texas Roadhouse, went to Click Clack Moo rehearsal where everyone sang to me and we shared cupcakes, then out to see an acoustic set at a bar with a bunch of my best friends.  It was wonderful!  So this year was kind of a mix of the two.  No lessons or rehearsal, but I did have some friends over and went to a bar afterwards and I truly made it into a birthday weekend which I really enjoy doing.  And now, I can announce and start planning for my 30th which is next year!!  At first I figured I'd celebrate down in NC but my family is paying for a round-trip flight back home so I'll actually be home at some point near or on my birthday!  (This is all pending what the schedule is like at school.  It's right around the end of classes so it may not be the easiest to up and leave but we'll make it work!  We always do!) 

So I guess I'm inviting you all to my birthday next year.  I'm cool with that.  You seem nice.




I feel myself counting down to things a lot.  I'm always looking forward to the end of the semester.  I'm waiting for my "busy" schedule to lighten up.  Let's be honest, my schedule has been CAKE this semester.  Unfortunately that has been reflected in my bank account.  I think I had a revelation today when I was getting excited and sad that the semester ends tomorrow.  I know I look forward to these things.  I think "Wow, only 4 weeks left!  Then vay-cay-shun!"  Then I think about how I have no money to do anything extreme this vacation and I get sad.  Then I think about moving and leaving everyone and everything here and I get extra sad.  So then I try not to count down but I can't help it, as long as I've been in school, the vacation has been the best part!  So I tried to remember a time I didn't realize how soon the end of the semester was coming or that I wasn't looking forward to something ending and I believe the important factor here is money.  I don't count down to the semester being over, (though not working is sometimes > working, just not always.)  (Okay, having zero responsibilities > having any responsibilities.)  I count down to paychecks.  I look forward to things ending or dates approaching so I can get paid.  Money.  There were times that I had plenty.  A thriving checking account, all of my bills were paid off except the car and student loans, I bought whatever I wanted, I traveled when I felt like it, I saw Broadway shows... now I have a good savings going for my moving fund but I am struggling paycheck to paycheck because I'm not doing so much this semester.  I also racked up the credit cards paying for all of my traveling for auditions.  I'll survive, don't get me wrong, and I don't mean to sound all "pity me!" I just realize that the need for money is a big part of why I feel the need to count down to the end of everything.

So here I am, at the end of my time at SU.  6 years I've spent at this school.  2 of them as a student, 5 as a teacher.  (One year overlapped, for those who are ready to tell me my math is wrong.  Relax Rainman.)  I've been anticipating each paycheck and my birthday and a little vacation that now it's here and I have to start accepting the fact that I will no longer be an employee of Syracuse University.  Sure, maybe for now, maybe forever, I'm being all dramatic, blah blah blah, shut up this is my blog.  Go be sensible on your own blog.  It's just another round of goodbyes and the end of a major chapter in my life.  This is the last constant in my life that will be ending before I move.  I never questioned having a job because as I try to do everywhere, I made myself as indispensable as possible so I had pretty good job security.  Now for the first time in 5 years I don't know what to expect for next year.  Unknown!  Ahh!!  So scary!  Run and hide and never look back!  Change is important and in this case change is very good.  I am so excited to move and start another new chapter in someplace so new and different and I'm pretty excited to see how this changes me.  I feel like I am on the brink of some major self-discoveries, I just don't know what they are or when they'll occur.  But I have this feeling inside that I can't ignore and I've been spending a lot of time thinking about who I really am and who I'd like to try to be, or at least how to make myself a better person. 

You see, I asked myself one day, "How would I describe... me?" and I couldn't come up with actual descriptors.  When I came up with things, they were descriptors of how I hope I'm perceived, or how I would like to be perceived.  In acting school they talk about how you can tell how a person REALLY acts when they are alone.  Everyone is different in their own home than they are, say, in the workplace or at school.  So I started paying closer attention to how I am when I'm alone and I started coming up with some better descriptors.  The first being:  goofy.  I am goofy.  My family would simply state I am a weirdo, but I think goofy covers it better.  I laugh and laugh at puns made by other people or at puns I come up with in my own head.  I dance like an idiot around my house, I have conversations with myself, I think simple things are hilarious and I like to see the humor or joy in everything I can.  Things are funny.  People are funny.  I think I'm hilarious sometimes. 

I am also quiet.  I love the quiet.  Noise is one of the worst pollutants of the world.  Useless noise makes it hard for me to focus and adds tension to my already tight shoulders and neck and back. 

I also judge too much and too swiftly.  This is one I'd like to change which brings us back to my self-discoveries.  I don't like being so judgmental about so much.  My girls and I have a saying of simply "no judgies."  It allows us to be ourselves and share our stories with the knowledge that no one will think any less of us afterwards.  Why can't we all be like that?  Why can't I be like that all the time?  I've come a long way from where I was a couple years ago when I would justify every sentence and thought before sharing the actual thought in case someone might misinterpret what I'm trying to say here so as not to offend---

Good lord that was an annoying trait. 

But being so judgmental all of the time is such a negative thing.  I have not come CLOSE to mastering this, but I try.  I try to catch myself and say "Bridge.  Seriously, stop judging.  Relax, you'll be fine, life will go on, it will not impact the rest of your day.  Let's move on."  Sometimes I have to be harsher with myself when I start judging someone for a specific reason that may or may not be out of their control.  When I write it down here, it looks so mean.  Yet, haven't we all done that?  Today even?  Why?  How insecure are we all that we feel the need to belittle others to make ourselves feel better?  What, so because we don't say it to someone's face that makes it okay?  That makes it better than bullying?  Maybe so, as we don't directly hurt someone's feelings, but who's to say it's any better?  To be honest, I fear being judged so much that it has crippled me in so many facets of life.  But I do it.  I judge people.  The thought of someone judging my friends or my family members makes me so angry.  But still, aren't I judging other people's friends or families?  I know every reason for why it is so useless to be so judgmental.  I just have not found a way to stop myself.  I hope that by catching it shortly after the fact, reliving the situation and realizing I don't need to have those negative thoughts, will turn into me catching it before it happens. 

I guess I'm saying I'd like to improve my overall moods and outlooks on people and life and I haven't figured out how, but I know there are problems, so I will try.  That is all I can ever do, is try. 

Now that I've shared my thoughts, I am curious to know, how would YOU describe me?

Frustrated

I'm pretty frustrated.  I don't think I've been eating worse than I have since last summer.  I've been out to restaurants far less than I had up until April.  I went to the gym more times in April than I have since August.  I am slowly but surely gaining weight.  WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!  This is insanity.  Today I'm making an extra concerted effort to be sure I eat well and track and don't go over my points and get in some activity today.  Making that decision has left me feeling so hungry for no reason!  No reason!  I hate feeling like food is some sort of enemy.  I hate feeling like I can't have what I want or that I don't know how to take care of myself.  I hate feeling out of control and that nothing I do helps.  It makes me want to go to Wendy's, then come home and order chinese and then make a creamy pasta dish and have some cake for dessert. 

*************************************

Now that I have that out of my system, allow me to translate.  What's really been going on here?  All of those things I mentioned above.  But in reality, I have not been eating well.  I have not been tracking and I have not paid enough attention into what I'm eating.  (I have gone to the gym a lot and been very active, so that part is annoying but oh well.)  I mean, I think I had meatballs 4 times in the last 6 days.  Meatballs are super high in points, something like 3+ for one if it's a small guy.  I just eat them.  I have a few here, and a few there and one or two more... because they're DELICIOUS AND I LOVE DELICIOUS THINGS!!  But that doesn't mean I have to eat every delicious thing I see.  I have no restraint, no self-control.  I never have.  There are countless posts about me "rewarding" myself for doing the bare minimum, if that.  I have slowly crept back towards my starting weight of a year ago and that is freaking stupid.  It takes planning and I've done none of it.  I'm going to do some once I'm done with this blog post. 

Discipline is doing something you hate, and pretending that you love it.

I didn't get fat by being honest, I'm not going to get thin by lying. 

Numbers...

7 days until my birthday.

6 days until my friend arrives to spend my birthday weekend with me.

1.5 pounds is how much I gained this week.  :-/

2 weeks until I am officially done working at Syracuse University after 5 years.

3 months until I move to North Carolina.

4 days in a row of exercise.

8,432,375,899,427 emails sent in the last 3 days.

0 replies.

100% chance I will continue blogging when I move.

3 pounds is how much I want to lose this week.

3:04pm is the time I will stop blogging and start cleaning.  :)

F!! F, F, F, F, F to me!!!!

I started a blog about 3 times in the last month and a half with the goal of updating you on the post-audition events that have occurred.  I can't even say I was too busy to do so, I just started writing a few times and... didn't like what I had to say.  So I stopped.  But this time I'm writing for realsies.  And now, for the update.  In mostly chronological order.

On Valentines Day I received my rejection letter from U. Colorado Boulder.  This was mildly devastating.  I can't say that I was sure I would be accepted everywhere I applied, but I did start listening to everyone who pretty much said I would be accepted everywhere I applied because they know how much I've accomplished and how hard I work and how much I have to offer... basically, they know me.  So I started breathing in their confidence, and after hearing so quickly from Indiana and UNC Greensboro (UNCG) I thought it was only a matter of time until I received my other two acceptance letters.  When the rejection came, I decided I wouldn't post about it until I heard from Michigan.  This was for two reasons.  One was I needed time to accept the fact that a school had rejected me.  It's all a part of life, it's all for a reason, make lemonade, blah blah blah, optimism at its best.  I'm not discounting being optimistic, I'm saying that at that time I felt like a waste of a human being who should re-think their career plan.  (I hope you see why I didn't post about that when it happened.)  The other reason was I wanted to have an answer from Michigan so I could say I've been accepted by 3, and rejected by some foolish school, or that it was an even split, but hey!  I still have options!

A few weeks pass and I have yet to hear from Michigan so I send an e-mail politely asking if they had made their decisions, when I might hear, I had such a great time on campus, thank you for the positive experience, I look forward to hearing from you, etc.  When that rejection letter arrived, I was more prepared. 

When I didn't get accepted to Michigan, I started thinking about why.  Why wasn't I wanted at these schools?  Why didn't they want someone they could practically hire as an adjunct (if not full professor, if I say so myself) to be a student there?  I could teach just about anything voice related and many things non-voice related.  I am a good enough singer, I have better piano chops than most any other singer that attends that school, what's not to want?  At this point I thought back to some conversations I had with some teachers and mentors who went through a similar process and remembered talking about looking at programs, rather than teachers.  I made it my goal to choose a program that suited me, not a teacher.  I wanted to be sure that I could get a well-rounded education from the school I chose so I never made an attempt to meet with any teachers.  (Many singers will take lessons while auditioning to get a feel for the faculty and see if there is someone they'd like to work with if accepted.  This also allows them to make an impression on the faculty and become more desirable.) 

Do we see the problem here? 

I never made any personal connections to any faculty at Michigan or Boulder.  I remained, for all intents and purposes, a teacher on paper, and a soprano on stage.  Those of you who help encourage me and remind me of all of the great things I've done and can do know that because you know me.  You talk to me and have seen me at work.  These schools heard me sing and maybe read my resume.  Everyone makes their resume look great and everyone has great recommendation letters written on their behalf.  For me, the difference is I really have accomplished everything on my resume, and much more that I left off because it would be too long.  So without a personal connection, no one had the chance to meet me and hear/see what I really can do so therefore there was no one on my side during the decision-making process to say "We want HER.  Let's make sure she comes here." 

A tough realization, but I think pretty accurate. 

That left me with UNCG and Indiana.  About 2 weeks ago I received an offer from UNCG that included an out-of-state tuition waiver (meaning I would pay in-state tuition), a nice stipend, and health insurance as part of an assistantship package.  I would teach studio voice, and either class voice or diction.  I was surprised and excited because this was the kind of thing I was hoping to receive (from all four schools) though a full ride would have been preferred.  I hadn't heard anything about finances from IU so last week I wrote both schools an e-mail.  I wrote UNCG asking if I could get the in-state tuition waived for one year (when I become a resident of the state, the out-of-state waiver becomes an in-state) and I wrote IU asking if they were gonna give me any money.  UNCG wrote back saying they couldn't offer that to me, and IU requested I call to chat.  (That was a specific professor I was in contact with.  Not like, the president or something.)  I called IU, explained my offer from UNCG, and the professor told me to e-mail the financial aid head and explain that all to him.  I did that this past Friday and on Saturday I had an offer from IU in the amount of $19,000.  It's a musical merit scholarship.  This number looks INCREDIBLE but when you break it down, I still pay out-of-state tuition and that money has to stretch the full year.  If I took the minimum number of credits I could make it stretch with about $2,000 to spare but I don't want to be limited to that amount.  It also does not include any teaching which if you read back to any post about my DMA, the entire purpose of this process is to better myself as a teacher.  So I wrote an e-mail to IU asking about teaching assistantships, explaining what my passion is, how I want to teach and I want a program that will allow me to do so. 

That brings us to today.  I also received another e-mail from UNCG upping my offer to include an in-state tuition waiver for the first year which means I wouldn't have to pay a penny to attend school there.  So I called my cousin who is finishing his doctorate and was just hired to be the director of choral activities at Vanderbilt University in Nashville because he is amazing.  It was so great getting to talk and bounce all of my thoughts off of him.  It's not that you all can't get it, but you don't necessarily get what kind of a decision this is for me and how much every little detail matters.  To the schools, I'm just another applicant that they deal with on a yearly basis.  For me, this is the biggest decision I've ever had to make and I felt like I was completely alone in trying to make the right choice.  I knew I had to decide for myself, and I knew I wanted to make an informed decision but I also wanted to hear from someone that I was going about this the right way and maybe get some extra insight.  This is precisely what Tucker provided and I felt so much better when I got off the phone. 

I realized that I was hanging onto the thoughts of IU because of their name and reputation.  Most people in the music world know of that program (and many who are not in the music world) which makes it stand out.  UNCG is small, but everything they're doing is great.  So I had to sit down and honestly compare the two programs and offers.  Did I want the school that would set my resume apart from other resumes because of the name?  Or did I want the school that would set me apart because of the experiences I would likely receive from going there?

In order to compare, I asked myself, what will I do at both schools?  Where will I be at both schools?  How much will I make at both schools?  And what will I be called at both schools?  To explain what I mean, I asked myself what are the expectations of me?  To sing or to teach?  Where am I located?  A college town, or a real city?  How much will I make?  Nothing, but incur out-of-pocket expenses, or actually make money?  And the kicker, do I get to say I am an alum of Indiana University to near instant recognition, or explain about the growing program at University of North Carolina Greensboro to those who've likely never heard of it?  This is a tougher decision than you may ever understand and I only list it all here to give you an idea of what's been going through my mind for the last few weeks. 

But I did it.  I made a decision. 

I am a logical human being and I like to plan for my future.  I like to know that I am doing what it takes to ensure I will be as big of a success as I can possibly be and to be sure I am making the most of this life.  Indiana will open many doors for me after I graduate, but what would I have to say for myself after I graduate?  What if I don't get cast in good roles?  What if I only attend class, sing sometimes, and watch "better" singers complain about how they have to teach when they really don't want to? 

Nope, I'd rather build my resume with possibilities and opportunities and add to the already growing program at UNCG so maybe one day they can look at me and say "She made a real difference here." 

So tonight at about 11:45pm I sent my acceptance via e-mail telling UNCG that I will be coming to their school this August to start work on my DMA. 

It's done.  I did it.  I decided, I chose, and I got what I wanted. 

I can't say I was a master negotiator, but I did ask for what I wanted and what I think I'm worth, and eventually received just that.  Some of you may read this and think "Of course you chose UNCG.  Look at what they offered you!  And it's warmer!  Palm trees!"  (love you princess, seriously) but it was so much more than that. 

I feel great about this decision.  I feel great because it's made, and it's finally done and now I can start planning for the big move, but I also feel great because I am going to do amazing things at that school.  Things they have never seen before.  I am going to earn every penny they gave me, and build some professional relationships that will take me to the next level and beyond when I start the job search. 

It has been an incredible journey, and there are too many people to thank for helping me get through it.  It took me awhile to be able to say out loud that a school hadn't accepted me.  Now I have to get used to the fact that it's done and I have chosen and I am ready to move forward with phase three of the 5-year plan.  (Research schools, apply/audition, move)  I'm moving.  Out of state.  South of the Mason Dixon Line. 

Well gol darnit, y'all I best get to work on my sweet tea recipe!

Buckle up.

It has been 6 months since I've been to the gym.  This will change tonight.  I have my bag packed, and I'll be hitting up the gym tonight after my last rehearsal is done.  I realized I can only go twice this week, but, really?  "Only?"  That's two more times than I've gone in the last 6 months.  That is an increase of 200% over the last 24 weeks.  This is a good thing.  I've been stalled for too long.  I still see the goal of weight loss and I still want my clothes to fit better/looser/be way too big and oops, gotta go shopping.  I also have to get back on WW.  I lost almost 15 lbs last summer from these two factors.  It was hard but not stupid hard.  It took time but not all of my time.  Now that I'm done with auditions and Eleanor, I have Sweeney Todd and myself to focus on.  I'm trying to start saving money for when I move so getting back on WW and going to the gym won't add any extra cost.  I've been paying for both of these this whole time without really using either.  I have to try and fix that.  So it will start tonight.  I'm up until midnight anyway, so why not be productive with that time instead of watching the food network which only makes me go to bed feeling hungry?  I'll give this a try and hope it works.  Often when I don't go to the gym it's because I'm worried I'll be "missing out" on something else.  Pretty sure this is a curse from my childhood that I may never get to go away.  That is for a blog of a different color though.  For the last couple weeks I've actually had some evenings to myself which is nice and awful.  It's nice because, I'm home!  I'm not doing other things!  I can relax!  It's kind of awful because... well it makes me think.  I start thinking about spending another evening sitting alone on my couch watching tv or playing on the computer and I get a little lonely.  Then I get upset because I'm feeling lonely.  Then I feel guilty for feeling lonely because I'm not exactly lonely.  There are plenty of people I could call up or text or potentially hang out with.  (Though that number gets smaller the later it gets.  I know I have the odd schedule here.)  If I'm going to be honest, and why shouldn't I be honest?  If I can talk about weight loss endeavors and audition madness, I should be honest about this too.  I'm more lonely that I don't have a someone.  I want to have a someone that will sit on the couch with me and completely ignore me if they want to, but they're there.  They can do their thing, I can do mine.  (Did you see how I just used all three there/they're/their with no problem whatsoever?  IT'S NOT HARD PEOPLE!!)  Once in awhile we chit chat, or share a glance or a touch, but it doesn't have to be anything major.  It's just some companionship.  But it's also more than that.  Companionship can be shared on many levels with many people.  I have some amazing companions in my life.  I'm also getting better at allowing myself to be the real me around these companions, and look!  They're still hanging around!  So obviously I have friends.  I hasten to use the word "boyfriend" because that doesn't cut it.  I don't care about a title, and honestly, titles can be really intimidating.  I do care to let the world know if I have feelings for someone and they have feelings for me, and we can share them openly because doesn't that feel great?  It does.  It feels great to be able to say to anyone I consider my friend that I am in a relationship and it is awesome!  You see, many of my relationships started out in really strange ways.  Most of the time, I'd be hanging out with a guy and then we'd be hanging out so much it turned into a relationship, and for my own reasons I never liked to call it that, but then one day I'd be okay with calling it that but I still wouldn't really say that to people, and by the time I realized what I had it'd be over.  Repeat. 

I've had love.  I've had passion.  I've had companionship.  I miss them.  I'm lonely.  If I weren't moving, I'd get a dog.  An adorable puppy with boundless energy and so much love to share.  I would be the best dog owner in the world.  My life does not warrant a puppy right now.  I'm not home enough.  I'm moving soon.  I have no idea what my schedule will be like at school.  So as much as I'd be a great puppy owner, I'm not a moron and I know getting a puppy is a bad idea.  Speaking of moving, it harkens the question "Is it worth seeking anything since I'll be leaving so soon?"  You know what?  Yes.  Yes it is worth it.  I am worth it.  Most of my relationships only lasted 4-6 months so at this point I could have an entire relationship before I even leave. 

********

That was all written Monday evening.  It's now Tuesday evening but I liked what I had so I kept it.  I did go to the gym and it felt great.  Came home and showered, had a cup of bouillon, and went to bed.  I have my bag all packed for my next trip to the gym so I'm looking forward to that!  I want to do this again.  I'm going to.  Now, to carry on with the tangent that turned into the focus of last night's post...

I'm stuck in an endless cycle.  "They" say you can't be happy in a relationship until you are happy with yourself.  I don't always feel happy with myself when I'm feeling so lonely.  I am making changes, I am pursuing my doctorate, I will be moving and bettering myself, I am trying to continue losing weight and I am trying to make positive changes to myself in the form of not justifying every single thought I have.  Now sometimes, when I do the last one, some more of the "real" me comes out, and guess what?  The real me can be a bitch.  This adds another layer of issue I try to deal with and that's the guilt.  I feel guilty for causing any feeling in someone else that isn't some form of joy.  I cannot stand the feeling of having someone unhappy with me.  It eats away at my soul.  So until I feel like I can be okay with saying my feelings and potentially making someone upset but that it won't ruin a friendship, and until I can look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see, and until I feel like I have someone to be with, I won't feel truly happy.  But if I'm not happy then I can't be happy in a relationship.  But if I don't have the companionship of a relationship to help remind me that I can be happy, I won't be happy.  Do you see what I've created here? 

I'm so tired.  I'm tired of everything.  I'm tired of feeling lonely.  I'm tired of feeling lost.  I'm tired of feeling like I need to have all of the answers when all I have are questions. 

I'm also tired of trying to put my feelings into words when my moods keep shifting so I have to end this here.  I know this blog wasn't about me in relationships or my feelings about that matter, but this is where this blog turned to and who am I to stop it?  Now, if only I could get all of these sappy love songs out of my head...

The final countdown

Hi there, it's been a bit hectic here since returning from my last audition but I feel adequately prepared to update you all on the final trip of my audition tour 2012.

That's right, I said LAST AUDITION!!  I've never gone through anything like this before.  It was an amazing, exhilarating, exhausting, eye-opening, liberating, frustrating, and fun experience.  All of those things, and more, every time.  Before I go summarizing the experience, allow me to catch you up on the final stop: UNC Greensboro.

After weeks of god-awful flight delays and layovers and poo poo experiences with rental cars, I finally had a few incident-free trips.  This, of course, makes sense because on my flight down to NC I had a 4 hour layover at JFK.  So why would there were be a delay?  I got to spend the full 4 hours in the Jet Blue terminal.  I chose this flight because I have a Jet Blue card that I earn rewards points on and this was the only flight from my month of travel that I was able to use any of them on.  So you're damn right I flew Jet Blue. 

The layover honestly wasn't that bad.  I had a mediocre-at-best dinner, did some texting, some reading, and had some ice cream.  When I arrived in NC, I was surprised to find out the temperature was in the 40's.  Please realize, at that moment I was below the Mason-Dixon line.  Which means I'm in the SOUTH.  Which means it is WARM.  If everyone and their brother who is not from the state of NY thinks I am from the city of NY when I state I am from NY, I think it fair to expect a little warm weather when I am in the South.  So it was kinda chilly, but bearable of course, as I am from New York.  (The state, not the city.  No, it's like the size of England.  Really, I think we'd all be better off if the city seceded and became Newer York.  Just trust me.)  But I had a nice car for the drive out to Burlington, and got in to see the Rein's!  (Some family friends who so graciously let me stay with them for the weekend.) 

Onto the audition.  I got there as early as my travel-weary body would allow, warmed up, and met with the pianist.  She's phenomenal.  It felt great singing with her.  Then we headed right down - which is part of what makes this different from every other audition.  Usually I'd rehearse, get some lunch, relax, let the voice rest, then head back in, do a quick re-warm up, and sing the audition.  Here I had a light breakfast, warmed up, ran through stuff then walked right down the stairs and onto the stage to do the audition. 

This combination of factors lead to the weirdest thing ever happening to me while I sang - I almost passed out. 

Right?  I mean, I've never passed out before (knock on wood)  (no really, I just did) so I can't say for sure that's what happened but I felt all these tinglies in my hands and climbing up my arms, and at the the climax of my 2nd piece which I was TOTALLY into, I mean, I was connecting to the text, I knew my translation like woah, I almost teared up because I was feeling it, man!  Feeling it!  Then right after the high note, I have to say two more words, and I think they came out.  That's when the vision swam for a sec, the breath all kind of left me, and I started to see some black edges around my view of the recital hall.  Luckily, I stood there, breathed, and once the song was done, artistically placed my hand on the piano lid, thanked the pianist, and took a drink of water. 

The feeling didn't happen for the rest of the time I sang, but will remain one of the weirdest physical experiences of my life.

All of that aside, I sang well.  I was un-pleased (I like that word, I'm keeping it.) with how my French went, and I think I felt that every time I used it so it is officially time to retire that song from my repertoire.  Bye-bye Boulanger!!  After I sang, I had to do 2 sight reading examples.  I think that's kinda neat for two reasons.  1.  I'm a damn good sight reader so I knew it'd be a chance to show off some madd sight reading skillz.  2.  It's amazing to me how many singers are poor sight readers and I think that's a good chance to show it's not just about having a pretty voice.

So the first example I rock.  The second example, as I was practicing through it, I nailed a tricky spot and smiled to myself saying out loud "Oh, I see why you used this one, the do-fa leap.  Got it."  and the woman at the piano leaned forward and nodded appreciatively.  (I found out afterward that little comment wowed the metaphoric pants off of the faculty.  Boo-ya teaching!)  So of course I nail that one as well and now it's interview time.  (Are we seeing the pattern of just how different this audition was from all the others?)  I went and sat down and they asked me questions about teaching and singing and I answered honestly and thoughtfully.  We discussed people we all had in common, what I've been doing, what I'd like to do... and then it was done!  The chair of the dept asked me to meet him up at his office to chat more about the program so I left and headed upstairs.  When he got there he explained it was an unofficial meeting, having no bearing on my audition.  Then he added that they just unofficially accepted me downstairs, so what would I like to know about the school?

So, you know, I'm in with 2 out of 4.  Not too shabby. 

We talked about assistantships, stipends, performance opportunities, accompanying, studio classes... by the end of the conversation I think I made it clear that I don't need an assistantship to only come from the voice department.  I will happily split my duties up among teaching, accompanying, performing... whatever needs to be done so that I don't have to pay a cent.  I hope that came across clearly because I really don't want to have to pay for this degree. 

After this meeting I had a couple meeting/interviews for music history spots and theory spots.  The musicology interview was... strange.  But I said to them that I have experience teaching some history and music appreciation courses and wanted to make that known in case I could be of any help to their program.  I'm not sure I'm entirely what they're looking for, but wanted to make my presence known.  The theory interview was completely different.  It was an aural skills test!  I had to sight read a chorale on the piano, then analyze the chorale right after.  Then came two sight reading examples that I rocked!  After that I had to identify chords and figured bass, then I had to analyze a chorale by listening only.  I did great on everything except the last part.  I've never had to listen and without paper figure out what I'm hearing.  Usually I would dictate what I hear on some paper and then analyze the chords I've spelled out.  (Doesn't everyone?) :)  It's an interesting skill and definitely one I could develop.  I think I showed I have skills and could be useful in their department, and that's all I was hoping to do.  (After realizing I had to utilize skills I haven't used in over 6 years!)

At this point I was done showcasing myself but had some time so I went and watched part of the opera rehearsal.  They're doing Don Giovanni and I got to see some of the blocking rehearsal.  I really liked watching their director work.  Seems like a really cool guy that I could get along with.  At this point, it's 4pm and I've been there for 6 hours and am thoroughly exhausted so I call it a day. 

The rest of my time was spent with members of the Rein clan hanging out, getting dinner, and just enjoying each others company.  It was so great seeing them and adding that into my weekend.  Then I headed home and promptly started a full weekend of activities including benefits, birthday parties, staging rehearsals, a sitz probe with the orchestra, and a superbowl.  Now that auditions are done I've been focusing on this other production of Eleanor that is this Sunday.  It's going to be good.  It feels different this time, and different is a good thing here.  Everyone is more at ease, the cast is having a great time, and I leave each rehearsal smiling and fulfilled.  It's exhausting, of course, and I can't believe we're doing all this for one performance only, but I'm glad for the opportunity, either way. 

In the mean time I'm also accompanying a choir rehearsal tonight, have a Shakespeare read-through tomorrow, and jump back in full-force to Sweeney rehearsals come Saturday. 

I am so ready for doctor school. 

3 down and one acceptance

I had not shared this earlier because I wasn't really sure what to make of it.  Not two days after my Indiana audition did I receive an e-mail from a voice faculty saying they thought I'd be a good fit for their DM program. 

I mean, that says to me, hey, we want you!  But let's face facts.  I've never done this before.  Maybe this woman is 85 years old and lives in her own little world and decided to email all the people she liked best shortly after having a long conversation with her teacup.  OR, maybe she was letting me know early on that they were interested in me.

Well that all was answered today as I received my first official acceptance letter.  Indiana University has accepted me into their music program.  I still will not hear until April about anything financially but it certainly says something to be accepted musically by the #2 ranked music school in the nation. 

I suppose what I'm saying is if I REALLY wanted to get this doctorate no matter WHAT, I officially can because there is at least one school that wants me to get my degree there.

That's not a bad feeling at all.

Could not do this for a living.

I've realized that apart from being a professional blogger, a professional weight loss champ, and a professional wrestler, I can add professional auditioner to the list of things I will never be.  I dabble.  One might say I'm a dabbler.  I'm okay with this.  Today I said out loud that I could never audition as a living.  (Meaning, become a professional singer who makes their living from getting gigs after, you guessed it, auditioning.)  It is exhausting, to say the very least.  I found myself going through the motions this entire trip out to Michigan (the location of the week!) and had to really pull myself together to give as committed a performance as I have the last 2 weekends.  I forgot to pack all sorts of ridiculous things like my hair brush, a second shirt, my make up wipes, my phone charger... luckily I had the car charger with me so crisis averted there. 

I just felt strange this week.  Maybe it was residual jet lag from last week?  I ended up cancelling all lessons on Wednesday because I woke up with a bit of a sore throat and made the decision to be a performer, not a teacher, which means my voice comes first.  It's also nice to know I'll have Thursdays and Fridays for make ups, so that helps.  It turned out to be a great decision because I went back to bed after sending all of the appropriate e-mails and slept until 1:30pm.  Obviously my body needs the rest.  Last night I slept like absolute crap on a cracker, but it did not negatively affect my singing today. 

I mean, can you tell just by what I've typed already that I'm not entirely "with it" right now?  I'll skip the "I know this is right for me" because we all know that by now, and that is continually reinforced even as each day goes by.  I am constantly reminded either from observing phenomenal teaching, or from feeling the effects of working too hard for too little pay, that this is the right move.  So onto the audition!

After getting up this morning and buying a hair brush, I was able to shower and prepare to find this school.

*Shout out to my parents for the wicked awesome GPS I got for xmas.  Seriously best gift ever.  Followed closely by the decanter.  And my wireless drill.  And my fuzzy socks.  And my board game.  Okay, I got some good stuff this xmas, but the GPS has paid itself forward 8 billion times already.*

I get to the building and immediately meet a turkey.  A large, wild turkey that the locals cleverly call "Turk" who was chilling on the steps between me and my intended door.  Two thoughts simultaneously popped in my head.  One was a picture I imagined while listening to a story of an old Denny's friend being chased and pecked at by wild turkeys in Mattydale.  The other was my Dad's voice sizing up the turkey, deciding "Turk" looked delicious.  Dad's views won out and I cautiously made my way around the turkey who joined me in ascending a few steps but otherwise left me unscathed. 

Once I made it to the check-in lobby, everything started looking up.  I found the rooms I needed, got a small bite to eat, got a practice room and warmed up, and started the process of the third audition.  My rehearsal with the accompanist went smoothly, he was super nice and encouraging, said I'd be a great fit at UMich.  That's always nice to hear no matter who it's from.  After a quick lunch, I re-warmed up (this was over the span of 2 hours) and headed to my audition room.  When it was my turn to sing, I felt the same confidence I've had the last two times, complete with no dry mouth and announced my first choice.  They then picked some of the most obscure rep from my list and I was pretty stoked to sing works I hadn't done at other schools.  Only problem is, I TOTALLY messed up in one spot. 

I know, I wasn't even going to mention it.  I literally spent the last hour on the phone with Jim and at various points in the conversation I'd drift back to my audition and a few times I'd even blurt out about how I messed up and I shouldn't focus on it but I am.  It's ridiculous.  It was a small error, it was still a musical performance, and I was still able to show them what I can do as a singer.  And I will never, EVER make that same mistake again, for the rest of my life. 

Moving on, at the end they asked me about my teaching, mentioning how interesting it is that I've taught not only private voice but studio voice and a couple classes in all aspects of music.  I got the impression they were pretty impressed.  :)  Then she asked "Why Michigan?" which was really hard to answer.  I was unprepared because no one else had asked me anything like that.  I composed myself and gave an honest and heartfelt answer that included my desire to have a top notch school on my resume, the reputation of this program, its strong musical theatre program, and how collaboration and performance are such strong foundations.  All in all, I think I did well.  I sang well, I'm really starting to let the expression come out which only shows more of my musicality, and I hope they like the voice and credentials enough to pay me to go somewhere. 

So tonight, as has been the norm, I will find a great little local restaurant, enjoy some wine and delicious food and call it an early night.  Tomorrow my flight is later, so I'll get to wander a bit around campus and check out the downtown area some more.  Then, pending no crazy delays (which, well... I can't even pretend to guess at anymore.)  I'll be home tomorrow night and have the entire day of Sunday to sleep, relax, and feel a sense of normalcy for a day so I can teach one more week, travel one more time, and audition for one more school. 

After that, it's just another performance of an opera I'm starring in that I've totally done already, so you know, nbd.

1,000 Views. Dang.

That's pretty cool.  I remember Diz commenting about being either the 100th or 300th viewer.  That seemed awesome.  Now I'm at 1000.  Thanks peeps, for caring in what I have to say.

Onto the update. 

Today was my audition at UC Boulder in Colorado.  I got up bright and early, had a nice breakfast, had my spring jacket on and was at the university by 9:30am.  I didn't have anything to do until 12:00 so I drove around awhile, only got honked at once, (they have funny ways of using green arrows.) and found out the perfect place to park is directly across the street from the music building.  Probably a closer walk than when I park at Syracuse Stage.  Then I start wandering the building.  As check-in was yesterday and I missed that cuz I'm awesome, I didn't know where I was going, where anything was, and what I was supposed to do about that.  So I found a lounge, sat for a few minutes, observed, and continued wandering.  I picked what seemed to be an unlikely hallway which turned into the hallway of miracles as it housed access to practice rooms as well as the part of the building I had been seeking out to begin with.  So I warmed up, vegged out, tried not to get nervous, then headed upstairs for my rehearsal with the pianist.  I was in this little cove of voice people.  It was 4 voice faculty offices, and this collaborative pianist's office as well.  As I sat outside waiting for my time (he was in the middle of Mondnacht, and I couldn't bring myself to interrupt) the door to Patrick Mason's office (baritone) opened and he popped out after having just worked with another prospective student.  He saw me sitting and struck up a convo with me.  Asked my name, I told him and he immediately said "Oh yes, of course, I've been reading your file.  Where are you from again?"  I said Syracuse, and once again immediately he replied "Right, you're involved with the new music, and studied with Janet.  Wow, what a singer."  And then we had a talk about how amazing Janet is, which is easy to do.  He asked about Neva Pilgrim (artistic director of Society for New Music who hires me for all of the amazing opportunities (Eleanor) that I've had in Syracuse) and I just felt like, the faculty really do care about the applicants.  At least he took an interest enough to associate me with SU, Janet and new music.  That was pretty cool.  He ended the conversation by telling my outfit was absolutely gorgeous and a great audition outfit, and then headed off to the Q&A that I attended after my rehearsal. 

This all happened mere moments after I was sitting in the chair thinking about how it's such a different experience coming to a school and not knowing anyone, how I felt really out there and alone and had no one at that moment to just... talk to.  Then I get recognized by name and town for some of my accomplishments, and complimented on my outfit.  That was a nice turn around. 

The audition went well.  I hesitated while typing that but you can't tell with punctuation because I don't want to be too down on myself.  It's just weird singing at over 5,000 feet above sea level.  I can't describe it.  It's just different.  In the practice rooms I didn't like what I was doing very much at all.  In the hall, I was really happy with my first piece.  I sang musically, I knew what I was singing about, and my high notes rocked.  For the next piece they picked my Boulanger art song.  It sits in the middle voice a lot which gets weaker as I get fatigued or nervous but instead of focusing solely on that I tried to continue to make each successive phrase more focused or supported than the last.  Half way through the song, I realized something.  Six years ago, almost to the exact weekend, I was in the very same room auditioning for some of the very same people - singing the very same song.  I forgot I put that on my master's rep list for that school.  It totally took my attention for a phrase but then, again, I pulled myself back in and finished the song with support and I hope, musicality.  Then they heard just a portion of my oratorio and that was it.  It felt so short after the 4 full pieces I sang at IU.  They asked if I had any questions, I asked about TA-ships and accompanying, and then I was done.  I sang right before their break so after as I walked out I ended up passing about 4 of the 8 people I just sang for.  I wasn't feeling too great about the French, specifically, but each person I passed looked at me and told me I sang beautifully, which is different from the usual "thanks for singing for us today."  I took that as a good sign.  The head of the voice faculty stopped me as I was about to walk out and asked me a few questions about my voice and complimented my high notes.  Not only am I generally a personable person, it's always good to let people you're auditioning for see more of the real you than just your voice so that was a fantastic opportunity.  All in all, I think I made a good impression but again we're back to the waiting game.

After the audition, i vegged for a bit, then headed to downtown Boulder for some dinner. 

I have a lot to say about my amazing dinner experience tonight but I'm le tired and got more into detail about the audition than I originally planned.  So I end here.  My computer tells me it's 11:30 back home so only 9:30 here but it feels like 11:30.  Time for some more reading and then bed.  Tomorrow I'll hit the gym, head back to the school for some masterclasses and more Q&A and then it's dinner with another old college friend, Schirm! 

This certainly is turning into every bit the adventure I thought it would.