Let me tell you a little bit about why this summer is so strange for me.
I am a busy lady. I do a lot of things, I work a lot of "jobs" (it's hard to call music and theatre a job but I pay taxes so I suppose it is. technically.) so my free time is typically very limited. Anyone who reads this probably knows this to be true. This summer, though, is different. Obscenely different. Last summer I was involved with 3 musicals that spanned from mid-April through the end of September and they each overlapped and for one day all 3 overlapped. I also music directed a 2-week musical theatre camp, and tried to do some camping of my own. In between that I saw quite a few Yankee games and made my way down to VA over to TN and up to NH. If you're a smart cookie you'll see my point that I was busy. I was busy, but I loved last summer. I was a part of 3 incredible shows, 2 of which I won awards for, so boo-ya. My trips to TN, VA and NH and all the Yankee games and camping were highlights. I had so much fun but I didn't have a lot of time for me. There weren't consecutive days that I had nothing to do. There were rarely even days that I had nothing to do. There was almost always a rehearsal or performance of some sort. This is my life. I love every minute of it.
Fast forward to today. I'm... working the musical theatre camp again. I'll be going camping a lot. I have a couple trips down to NYC planned with the rents. Um... see what's missing? I'm not involved with a SINGLE SOLITARY SHOW. It's amazing. Yesterday, I didn't even get dressed until 7:30pm. I didn't have to. I showered and put sweat pants on. Today I got "dressed" by putting on my swimsuit and some capris with a tank so I could go to the beach. I spent a majority of today at the beach. It-was-the-best. Tomorrow and Wednesday will be completely different but that's ok you see, because too much of this easy-peasy junk and I'd go mad. So though I'd rather not have to do any work whatsoever this summer, I do know it's best that I keep busy even just 2 days a week.
I'm also supposed to be researching DMA programs of course, and I swear, I'll get to it. Just as you all help hold me accountable for weight loss, you will do the same for my research! But today was my first chance to use the Empire pass after buying it and I couldn't pass up a great beach day. It will rain eventually. It always rains here.
But when it's not raining, you can bet your behinds where I'll be!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
It's happening
I didn't go to the gym the last two days and I ate more junk than normal because I'm sort of celebrating and I feel like crap today! My legs are super sore like when you work out too much but I think it's from NOT working out and my tummy is off from the lack of, oh I don't know, anything nutritious! All I want is a walk around some lakes and some grilled chicken with grapes. And maybe tomatoes. Roasted tomatoes sound really yummy right now.
It seems I'm starting to get healthier, even a little bit, because two days back in an old habit and my body is pissed! Not seriously pissed like "we're never speaking again" but more like "I'm more than a little bit annoyed at you." So today I apologize and try to make it up to myself. If I make it through this weekend and maintain this week or even lose more, next weekend I will treat myself to one lovely meal. That's what I didn't do this time around. I sort of spread a small celebration around amongst a baseball game and grad parties. None of it was fulfilling. I want yummy. I want something so scrumptious I would be appalled at eating that any other day. It doesn't even have to be obnoxiously fatty, but it has to be full of amazing flavors. And probably Italian. Let's be honest, it's some of my favorite food.
Well now I've worked myself up to be all sorts of hungry. Time to tame the beast and begin the healing process.
It seems I'm starting to get healthier, even a little bit, because two days back in an old habit and my body is pissed! Not seriously pissed like "we're never speaking again" but more like "I'm more than a little bit annoyed at you." So today I apologize and try to make it up to myself. If I make it through this weekend and maintain this week or even lose more, next weekend I will treat myself to one lovely meal. That's what I didn't do this time around. I sort of spread a small celebration around amongst a baseball game and grad parties. None of it was fulfilling. I want yummy. I want something so scrumptious I would be appalled at eating that any other day. It doesn't even have to be obnoxiously fatty, but it has to be full of amazing flavors. And probably Italian. Let's be honest, it's some of my favorite food.
Well now I've worked myself up to be all sorts of hungry. Time to tame the beast and begin the healing process.
Friday, June 24, 2011
A change for NYS!
I just watched the NYS Senate pass the bill legalizing gay marriage. How historic and wonderful.
Tonight especially, I <3 NY.
Tonight especially, I <3 NY.
Holy Crap on a Cracker.
I think a few posts back I was talking about a goal being to lose 10% of my original weight. I was totally wrong there, WW does it in 5% increments. I also mentioned how I hopped on the scale earlier this week and found I was at my personal goal of losing 5lbs/month on Tuesday or Wednesday and was uber excited about that. Today is official weigh in day and I did it at the same time I do every week (after wake up/morning business) and not only did I keep the 10lb goal I had met earlier, but I went even farther and passed my 5% goal!! I lost 3.8lbs this week and I couldn't even tell you how. Well, I guess I could, eat better, be active, don't over-eat... but seriously, 3.8? That's ridiculous! I didn't expect to meet my goal this soon. So I set another goal of the next 5% which just gets me closer and closer to my ideal weight and moving into maintenance. I can't really explain what caused me to lose more this week than others, but I don't want to focus on that. 1-2 lbs is manageable and healthy. 3.8 was a nice surprise to push me past my goal. (of course I think it's wicked awesome and I'm super proud and all but I'm trying to remain realistic.)
So a reward. I said I would reward myself when I met this goal. It's funny, I sort of feel like I didn't really meet it. Like, tomorrow if I got on the scale it would go up and today would just be a fluke. But I can't manipulate a machine and if it says I lost the weight than at least for today I did. Right? Does this even make sense? Oy I'm not going to stress about it. Instead, today is for celebration!
Woohoo!
So a reward. I said I would reward myself when I met this goal. It's funny, I sort of feel like I didn't really meet it. Like, tomorrow if I got on the scale it would go up and today would just be a fluke. But I can't manipulate a machine and if it says I lost the weight than at least for today I did. Right? Does this even make sense? Oy I'm not going to stress about it. Instead, today is for celebration!
Woohoo!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Which way to the beach?
I have a small confession to make. I hopped on the scale today. I wasn't going to, in fact I wanted to wait until Friday but I couldn't help myself. What I saw was nothing short of amazing. If I maintain this weight of today through Friday, I will reach my 2 month goal with a week left! This weigh in could put me at the first 10 lb mark (from when I originally started, not with WW) which is only 3 lbs away from my first WW goal of losing 5% of my body weight. Remember back when I started this I was complaining about rewarding myself for too little? This 5% is my first real goal that I plan to reward myself with - one big old meal either home cooked or out at a restaurant, with no real regards for points. I will eat well and small the rest of the day I'm sure and at this rate I probably won't come close to finishing whatever extravagant meal that is, but believe you me, it WILL be accompanied by wine. :)
It's just so cool to see it so close. My sister down south reached one of her goals today. I am so super proud of her and so happy for her. This is hard! It's so hard! But everyday the planning, the portioning and the smarter decisions get easier. I get a little excited to go to the gym, and now I just got an Empire Pass that gives me "free" access to state parks all around NYS. I want to go to the beach. All the time. Once a week. Maybe I'll start a weekly beach club and invite people to come with me. I have so much more free time this summer, it's amazing. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are out, unless I get up really early (HA! yeah right...) and make a morning out of it, but the rest of the week if the weather's nice, bring it on. I will go hiking, (walking) I will lay on a beach, and I will camp. These are my goals for the summer.
Ok these are the secondary goals to continuing to succeed on WW and practice more and research DMA programs. Still, I like these goals too.
Of course, the forecast here is all rain and storms the rest of the week but that's ok, it will help me catch up on the 25 hours of tv I have left from this past year. Well, I think I'm caught up through March.
So next week I'm going to the beach. Who's coming with me?
It's just so cool to see it so close. My sister down south reached one of her goals today. I am so super proud of her and so happy for her. This is hard! It's so hard! But everyday the planning, the portioning and the smarter decisions get easier. I get a little excited to go to the gym, and now I just got an Empire Pass that gives me "free" access to state parks all around NYS. I want to go to the beach. All the time. Once a week. Maybe I'll start a weekly beach club and invite people to come with me. I have so much more free time this summer, it's amazing. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are out, unless I get up really early (HA! yeah right...) and make a morning out of it, but the rest of the week if the weather's nice, bring it on. I will go hiking, (walking) I will lay on a beach, and I will camp. These are my goals for the summer.
Ok these are the secondary goals to continuing to succeed on WW and practice more and research DMA programs. Still, I like these goals too.
Of course, the forecast here is all rain and storms the rest of the week but that's ok, it will help me catch up on the 25 hours of tv I have left from this past year. Well, I think I'm caught up through March.
So next week I'm going to the beach. Who's coming with me?
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Retrospective thoughts
Last night was the closing of my latest show that ran for 29 performances. I've never done that many shows before. We had a small gathering afterwards and as you'd expect we talked about a lot of different topics. One in particular that came up was the mixing of social circles between musicians and actors. I was trying to explain that when musicians (pit musicians, for example) come into a show near the end of the rehearsal process, we haven't been a part of the camaraderie the rest of the cast experiences. When I'm in the cast and have friends in the pit, I make sure to talk to them and include them as best I can. Now this specific question being raised was why does it seem musicians don't mingle with the actors? The discussion turned to the meshing of music students and theatre students in various schools and degree programs. For example, when a "green room" (holding room/lounge used mostly by actors involved with a show) is full of actors, musicians typically don't know what a green room is, and once they see it full of a group of students they don't know, they're not likely to walk in and get cozy.
So is this typical of musicians and actors? I think it would hold true no matter what the two groups are. Most people don't have the confidence to walk into a small room full of people they don't know and strike up a conversation just for the hell of it. Now why is this so hard for actors and musicians? Aren't we all artists?
Yes, but look at it this way. The similarities between the arts of music and theatre are nearly endless. It involves personal creativity, working through a process to try and achieve a certain product, some measure of talent makes the process a little easier, and when the product leads to applause, most artists feel fulfilled. A lot of this can be said of visual artists as well. The difference here is music and theatre collaborate more often than others, which brings us back to the question of why these two groups don't immediately mingle.
I have some theories, and I'm interested to hear other thoughts, but the biggest one that logically comes to mind is that many musicians (pit musicians specifically, in the world of collaboration) play instruments that involve their mouths. They read their single line of music, and when they all do it together, the score is the result. Drummers play loudly and can't hear anyway, and pianists are too busy reading multiple staves to be able to worry about talking to people. ;) (ok I'm sure I'll get some haters for that one and to you I say: relax.) Joking aside, the pit musician is a hired professional who comes in, does their job, wants to get paid, and leave. If theatre is not a passion of theirs, getting chummy with the cast typically holds little to no interest. It's rarely personal, it's the way of the musicians world. That lifestyle is not a social one - not in the rehearsal. Socializing comes afterward, usually at a bar, and usually with adult beverages. This is the one place I see the most mingling occur. Actors enjoy a post-show beverage and many pit musicians appreciate the same. Let the chit-chat commence.
I wish I didn't have to say this, but I've learned enough about the internet to say that clearly this is not a blanket statement about all actors and all musicians. These are my opinions. If you disagree, write your own blog. With regards to this topic, I'm somewhere in the middle as I've music directed/been a pit musician and acted in numerous shows. I have a few dear friends (musicians) that I hire whenever I can that always connect to the cast and always come out with us afterwards. I've also worked with actors that hold zero respect for the work the pit puts in. It goes both ways and no one statement can ever encompass an entire group. Like I said at the start, it was an interesting topic and I gave it some more thought and though the idea of musicians and actors mingling makes sense on paper, they're really different art forms that shouldn't have any expectations thrusted upon them. Actors and musicians rarely like being told what to do.
So is this typical of musicians and actors? I think it would hold true no matter what the two groups are. Most people don't have the confidence to walk into a small room full of people they don't know and strike up a conversation just for the hell of it. Now why is this so hard for actors and musicians? Aren't we all artists?
Yes, but look at it this way. The similarities between the arts of music and theatre are nearly endless. It involves personal creativity, working through a process to try and achieve a certain product, some measure of talent makes the process a little easier, and when the product leads to applause, most artists feel fulfilled. A lot of this can be said of visual artists as well. The difference here is music and theatre collaborate more often than others, which brings us back to the question of why these two groups don't immediately mingle.
I have some theories, and I'm interested to hear other thoughts, but the biggest one that logically comes to mind is that many musicians (pit musicians specifically, in the world of collaboration) play instruments that involve their mouths. They read their single line of music, and when they all do it together, the score is the result. Drummers play loudly and can't hear anyway, and pianists are too busy reading multiple staves to be able to worry about talking to people. ;) (ok I'm sure I'll get some haters for that one and to you I say: relax.) Joking aside, the pit musician is a hired professional who comes in, does their job, wants to get paid, and leave. If theatre is not a passion of theirs, getting chummy with the cast typically holds little to no interest. It's rarely personal, it's the way of the musicians world. That lifestyle is not a social one - not in the rehearsal. Socializing comes afterward, usually at a bar, and usually with adult beverages. This is the one place I see the most mingling occur. Actors enjoy a post-show beverage and many pit musicians appreciate the same. Let the chit-chat commence.
I wish I didn't have to say this, but I've learned enough about the internet to say that clearly this is not a blanket statement about all actors and all musicians. These are my opinions. If you disagree, write your own blog. With regards to this topic, I'm somewhere in the middle as I've music directed/been a pit musician and acted in numerous shows. I have a few dear friends (musicians) that I hire whenever I can that always connect to the cast and always come out with us afterwards. I've also worked with actors that hold zero respect for the work the pit puts in. It goes both ways and no one statement can ever encompass an entire group. Like I said at the start, it was an interesting topic and I gave it some more thought and though the idea of musicians and actors mingling makes sense on paper, they're really different art forms that shouldn't have any expectations thrusted upon them. Actors and musicians rarely like being told what to do.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Update:
A quick entry to update my week. This week I had hibachi on Monday, saw a movie on Wednesday and ate popcorn and drank soda, ate a slice of pizza on Thursday, and still lost 1.6 lbs!! I planned accordingly, made sure I had extra points for when I needed them, ate better the remainder of the day when I'd be eating something high in fat, and worked out a ton (especially Thursday). I'm so happy because this just goes to show that you don't have to starve yourself and you don't have to give up what you love just to lose weight.
I'm happy. :)
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend and to all the fathers out there, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! <3
I'm happy. :)
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend and to all the fathers out there, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!! <3
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Stress free is the way to be!
Starting things off with a friendly PSA.
Since starting this blog last Monday, I've gotten FB comments, texts, some blog comments, messages, e-mails, and statements in person from people telling me they've been reading and enjoying my blog. Then they go on to tell me how much they will support me in this endeavor. Sometimes we'll talk about each others struggles, sometimes we share recipes, but sometimes it's just a message of support. So to all of you, I say a heart-felt thank you. I'm sure you can imagine how it feels to me, but to hear about it from people in all different areas of my life, everyone being so supportive and even saying I'm an inspiration makes this so much more... fun. It's exactly the kind of thing I needed to keep me going.
Today is a perfect example of this. **end PSA** I left my show feeling rather sleepy as I was up late last night chit chatting with my doppelganger and it was warm and sunny after a few days of being cold and rainy. I thought about just turning left out of the parking lot and heading home; taking a nice nap, eating a light lunch, then setting about my day. Well then I thought about the people that have already been so supportive and help keep me going and how this is the exact situation I needed them for so I turned right and headed to the gym. Fast forward a half hour. I'm half way done with my elliptical time and I start to think maybe I'll only do a half work out today, go home, nap, eat lunch etc... but again, I thought about everyone who is being so supportive of me. I didn't want to let myself down afterwards and then have to come up with some lame excuse to put in here for why I didn't do a full work out or any work out. Again, I did not get fat by being honest, I'm not gonna lose by lying. <-- love that.
Ok speaking of being honest, it wasn't all inspirational music montages of me busting my ass at the gym and feeling great because you support me! I moped, I whined in my head, I thought about taking it easy, then I thought about the scale and what I want it to say. I thought about the dunkin donuts wake up wrap that I had and how that wasn't going to burn itself off. I thought about seeing a movie tonight and how much I loves me some popcorn. I also thought about some less than nice things I've heard in the last 5 years or so (because, let's face it, I have a hard time letting go of criticism). So all of that rolled up together surrounded by a big hug of support pushed me through my hour and I completed my work out. Now all that's missing is the drive to get off my bed and get in the shower. But I have to teach today so I know I will.
Speaking of the scale, it is evil. Pure evil. I'll weigh myself upwards of 5 times a week and every week the weight goes up around Wednesday, but it (for the last few weeks) has been coming back down by Friday, my official weigh in. It's too late though! Once Wednesday hits, my brain gets stuck on the number going up. You don't have to tell me how weight fluctuates in a day and definitely in a week and it doesn't mean a thing and it's usually just a good poo, because I know all that. What I'm saying is I think I need to weigh myself less. I have two trains of thought on this one.
1. if I weigh myself multiple times a week and I can see if I'm staying on track or if I need to have some better days to make sure I meet my goal and lose that week.
2. if I don't weigh myself multiple times I won't have to deal with the anxiety of seeing the number go up mid-week.
I am torn.
I suppose I could do some research and see what the "studies" and "scientists" say, but it's way more fun drawing my own conclusions, using my own super powers of logic, and deciding what to do that way. Why not? It's TOTALLY worked for me thus far.
Since starting this blog last Monday, I've gotten FB comments, texts, some blog comments, messages, e-mails, and statements in person from people telling me they've been reading and enjoying my blog. Then they go on to tell me how much they will support me in this endeavor. Sometimes we'll talk about each others struggles, sometimes we share recipes, but sometimes it's just a message of support. So to all of you, I say a heart-felt thank you. I'm sure you can imagine how it feels to me, but to hear about it from people in all different areas of my life, everyone being so supportive and even saying I'm an inspiration makes this so much more... fun. It's exactly the kind of thing I needed to keep me going.
Today is a perfect example of this. **end PSA** I left my show feeling rather sleepy as I was up late last night chit chatting with my doppelganger and it was warm and sunny after a few days of being cold and rainy. I thought about just turning left out of the parking lot and heading home; taking a nice nap, eating a light lunch, then setting about my day. Well then I thought about the people that have already been so supportive and help keep me going and how this is the exact situation I needed them for so I turned right and headed to the gym. Fast forward a half hour. I'm half way done with my elliptical time and I start to think maybe I'll only do a half work out today, go home, nap, eat lunch etc... but again, I thought about everyone who is being so supportive of me. I didn't want to let myself down afterwards and then have to come up with some lame excuse to put in here for why I didn't do a full work out or any work out. Again, I did not get fat by being honest, I'm not gonna lose by lying. <-- love that.
Ok speaking of being honest, it wasn't all inspirational music montages of me busting my ass at the gym and feeling great because you support me! I moped, I whined in my head, I thought about taking it easy, then I thought about the scale and what I want it to say. I thought about the dunkin donuts wake up wrap that I had and how that wasn't going to burn itself off. I thought about seeing a movie tonight and how much I loves me some popcorn. I also thought about some less than nice things I've heard in the last 5 years or so (because, let's face it, I have a hard time letting go of criticism). So all of that rolled up together surrounded by a big hug of support pushed me through my hour and I completed my work out. Now all that's missing is the drive to get off my bed and get in the shower. But I have to teach today so I know I will.
Speaking of the scale, it is evil. Pure evil. I'll weigh myself upwards of 5 times a week and every week the weight goes up around Wednesday, but it (for the last few weeks) has been coming back down by Friday, my official weigh in. It's too late though! Once Wednesday hits, my brain gets stuck on the number going up. You don't have to tell me how weight fluctuates in a day and definitely in a week and it doesn't mean a thing and it's usually just a good poo, because I know all that. What I'm saying is I think I need to weigh myself less. I have two trains of thought on this one.
1. if I weigh myself multiple times a week and I can see if I'm staying on track or if I need to have some better days to make sure I meet my goal and lose that week.
2. if I don't weigh myself multiple times I won't have to deal with the anxiety of seeing the number go up mid-week.
- but if I don't weigh myself as often and the number goes up at the official weigh in, I'll be even more upset because I should have seen it coming.
- or not having the stress of seeing my weight go up mid-week could be a good thing and continue to help me lose.
I am torn.
I suppose I could do some research and see what the "studies" and "scientists" say, but it's way more fun drawing my own conclusions, using my own super powers of logic, and deciding what to do that way. Why not? It's TOTALLY worked for me thus far.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Small Successes
Sometimes the smallest successes are all I need. The whole motivation behind starting this blog came as a result of my 2nd crappy weekend in a row food-wise. Well, the food was delicious, but it set me back weight-loss wise. So my small goal for this past weekend was to not let that happen. To keep myself within my points and hopefully maintain and/or lose over the weekend too. The result was I maintained my exact weight from Friday which means I did it! I didn't make the most healthy choices but I did pay attention to portions and if I made some bad decisions I counteracted them with better ones throughout the rest of the day. As it stands, I just had a nice small lunch because I know I'm having hibachi for dinner and that's a points nightmare. :) I'm looking forward though.
The other small success that I wanted to share from this weekend was a friend of mine asked if I'm losing weight! This is the smallest question you can ask that makes the most amazing difference in my day. It felt wonderful for someone to notice a change, no matter how small. I think I see it too sometimes but I don't want that to distract me. Either way, it put me in a great mood for the rest of the night. (My amazing shoes helped too...)
Now I'm in survival mode for this week. The show I'm in closes this Saturday which means I've done 23/29 shows and let me just say, I'm ready. I love the show, I love love LOVE this cast, but I'm ready to close. We just went through the most stressful weekend I've ever experienced in a show and the cast pulled through each and every time. We even added an extra rehearsal on our ONE DAY OFF and everyone but 2 came. How cool is that? These are really awesome people and I am happy to be working with them.
I always thought of myself as a stressed eater, meaning if I felt stressed I would eat but that's just not the case. I realize now when I'm stressed I want to shut down and simply not do or be a thing. I was so tempted to lay in my bed after the gym and sleep until Sunday. Clearly this couldn't happen but that was a way stronger urge than eating. So instead I scheduled a massage for myself and in fact must be off so I can head on over. To quote my favorite band, Candid - (paraphrasing of course) maybe THIS is what I need. :)
The other small success that I wanted to share from this weekend was a friend of mine asked if I'm losing weight! This is the smallest question you can ask that makes the most amazing difference in my day. It felt wonderful for someone to notice a change, no matter how small. I think I see it too sometimes but I don't want that to distract me. Either way, it put me in a great mood for the rest of the night. (My amazing shoes helped too...)
Now I'm in survival mode for this week. The show I'm in closes this Saturday which means I've done 23/29 shows and let me just say, I'm ready. I love the show, I love love LOVE this cast, but I'm ready to close. We just went through the most stressful weekend I've ever experienced in a show and the cast pulled through each and every time. We even added an extra rehearsal on our ONE DAY OFF and everyone but 2 came. How cool is that? These are really awesome people and I am happy to be working with them.
I always thought of myself as a stressed eater, meaning if I felt stressed I would eat but that's just not the case. I realize now when I'm stressed I want to shut down and simply not do or be a thing. I was so tempted to lay in my bed after the gym and sleep until Sunday. Clearly this couldn't happen but that was a way stronger urge than eating. So instead I scheduled a massage for myself and in fact must be off so I can head on over. To quote my favorite band, Candid - (paraphrasing of course) maybe THIS is what I need. :)
Saturday, June 11, 2011
[title of blog]
So yesterday was the big day. My weigh in as well as my most tempting day to binge and ruin everything. The weigh in was quite successful whereby I lost 1.6 pounds this week! The temptation to "celebrate" (ie: make bad decisions) was there and I am happy to say I did not cave. I did eat unhealthy food, but not too much, and I accounted for it in points and I ate smarter the rest of the day to balance it out. Today I followed my points and ate good foods and feel back on track though I didn't really feel "off-track", just nervous from an evening out socializing. So hooray for me, a small goal has been mostly met. Tomorrow is Diz's bridal shower and there will be snacks as well as the 7 dozen cupcakes I spent the last two days baking and frosting, (chocolate with vanilla frosting, funfetti with chocolate frosting, french vanilla with vanilla frosting, black bottom cupcakes which are chocolate with a cream cheese center. all frosting was made from scratch, with love.) so again it is a chance for me to practice portion control and awareness. When there are chips and dips, I mindlessly mange with no regard for how much I'm eating. I love salty snacks. They are my happy place. Sweet things I have an easier time avoiding and resisting. But put anything with cheese or any sort of dip with any sort of chip in front of me, and I'll be licking that bowl, thank-you-very-much.
I'm a bit torn in the world of blogging. I'm not sure how personal or even how specific to make this. I have no qualms about the specifics of my weight loss and DMA challenges, but when it comes to the personal lives of myself or those around me, I think it's safest to err on the side of caution. I mean, especially as I'm entering the professional world, the internet is the perfect place to research candidates for DMA programs or future teaching positions.
My brain is mushy. There was more I wanted to share but nothing I type makes sense so I'll try again when I'm more aware of what I'm saying. I will say I got a new cookbook, and that's always a good day. :)
I'm a bit torn in the world of blogging. I'm not sure how personal or even how specific to make this. I have no qualms about the specifics of my weight loss and DMA challenges, but when it comes to the personal lives of myself or those around me, I think it's safest to err on the side of caution. I mean, especially as I'm entering the professional world, the internet is the perfect place to research candidates for DMA programs or future teaching positions.
My brain is mushy. There was more I wanted to share but nothing I type makes sense so I'll try again when I'm more aware of what I'm saying. I will say I got a new cookbook, and that's always a good day. :)
Thursday, June 9, 2011
epic frittata
I just made the most amazing frittata EVER. I took leftover steak that already had an amazing marinade, chopped it up with garlic, onion, and a tomato, added one egg and a 1/4 cup of shredded cheese. For a side I had two mini garlic mashed potato pancakes and I doused it all with fat free sour cream and salsa. 13 points and I am FULL and SATISFIED and best of all it tasted AMAZING. (I do believe this calls for the caps) This is how "dieting" can be. Omg that was so yummy. I need to make more steak so I can make this again.
SOOOOO GOOOOOD!!
I'm starting to get the impression that for me, food and mood do more than just rhyme.
The only other thought I have to add right now is a small concern because of a change in my regular schedule, I've put the gym at the end of my day. I haven't done this yet, but I'm hoping I'll follow through. My weigh in is tomorrow and the more activity I have the better. I'm feeling good for this one, but need some encouragement to make it to the gym after what will easily be a long day.
Dang that frittata was good.
SOOOOO GOOOOOD!!
I'm starting to get the impression that for me, food and mood do more than just rhyme.
The only other thought I have to add right now is a small concern because of a change in my regular schedule, I've put the gym at the end of my day. I haven't done this yet, but I'm hoping I'll follow through. My weigh in is tomorrow and the more activity I have the better. I'm feeling good for this one, but need some encouragement to make it to the gym after what will easily be a long day.
Dang that frittata was good.
Perspective Changes Everything
Perspective on ones self: Today I hopped on the scale to see I made it back to where I was before this past weekend and even a little below. All of the sudden I "notice" a difference when I look in the mirror. When I applied lotion "wow, my leg muscle feels tight!" All because of a number on the scale. These changes may actually be occurring but I wouldn't notice them if I hadn't already been looking since the all-powerful scale said change is coming!
Perspective on ones friends: A couple I know was hitting a rough patch in their relationship. Of course I side with my friend, and the partner is completely in the wrong and so rude and insensitive. They have since had a rather mature discussion (funny how communication can work) and instantly there's a difference. The same comment that last week would be insensitive is funny and sassy today.
Perspective on food: The more success I find with proper planning and making better choices, the more likely I am to continue planning. It takes 21 days to build a habit. 3 weeks of eating well and making smart choices? Bring it on.
Perspective on relationships:
The jury is still out on that one. I don't think it wise to add another flailing aspect of my life to this blog, but it seemed worth mentioning as my perspective on relationships changes almost daily. I will say, however, that's part of the point of this whole weight-loss endeavor -- More confidence in myself which I hope translates to more confidence in meeting people and who knows, maybe even go on a date.
Maybe. That's a big maybe. Again, let's just deal with the issues at hand.
To recap: two good days in a row with smart food choices, more fruits and veggies, lots of activity and lots of water. 19 to go. The game is afoot!
Perspective on ones friends: A couple I know was hitting a rough patch in their relationship. Of course I side with my friend, and the partner is completely in the wrong and so rude and insensitive. They have since had a rather mature discussion (funny how communication can work) and instantly there's a difference. The same comment that last week would be insensitive is funny and sassy today.
Perspective on food: The more success I find with proper planning and making better choices, the more likely I am to continue planning. It takes 21 days to build a habit. 3 weeks of eating well and making smart choices? Bring it on.
Perspective on relationships:
The jury is still out on that one. I don't think it wise to add another flailing aspect of my life to this blog, but it seemed worth mentioning as my perspective on relationships changes almost daily. I will say, however, that's part of the point of this whole weight-loss endeavor -- More confidence in myself which I hope translates to more confidence in meeting people and who knows, maybe even go on a date.
Maybe. That's a big maybe. Again, let's just deal with the issues at hand.
To recap: two good days in a row with smart food choices, more fruits and veggies, lots of activity and lots of water. 19 to go. The game is afoot!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Danger Will Robinson!
I was unprepared. I planned breakfast and lunch but did not plan dinner. The time came and I was rather hungry. Being rather hungry means I don't want to stand and fiddle with a new recipe and wait whilst it cooks because I am rather impatient. So I needed something fast. I checked in with the sister down south to see what she might recommend and she had a good idea (boiling chicken, shredding and adding BBQ. We DO happen to have some Wango Tango) but it didn't sound yummy. I wanted something yummy. I also don't have a lot in the house as I will be heading to the zoo (grocery store) after this. My first step was to play a few rounds of spider solitaire. (I lost both times. That 2-suit is HARD but for some reason I keep on playing.) Then I made my kitchen rounds, checking the cabinet (yup, still full of pasta), checking the freezer (yup, meat is still frozen and I don't know what I'd do with it), and checking the fridge (yup, still have those leftovers that have a lot of salt and a lot of points. Diz really needs to eat those.). Then I saw the eggs and a delicious, low-point, filling, light bulb went off. 5 minutes later, I have an egg, broccoli and cheese omelet with wheat toast. Yum.
crisis-averted.
So now I attempt the ever-daunting task of groc shopping. I'm just not good at picking up fresh foods and using them before they go bad. I have all these great ideas, then life gets in the way and food goes bad. So my goal for this trip is to stock up with a few essentials I notice pop up in lots of recipes, and not try and buy things to cook every night for two weeks. Homey don't play that. I really should know that by now.
Oh I'm just so proud of resisting the urge of picking up food while I'm out. I could have used my 15 points at Wendy's and stayed within or gone over a bit into my extra points, but then I'd be all water-logged (btw I totally met my water goal for today! Booya!) from the salty foods and I'd feel guilty. Remember, NO REWARDS UNTIL A STINKING GOAL IS MET! A big goal. Not my "don't eat like crap on the weekend" or "be smart at the store" goals. On top of resisting that temptress Wendy, my meal consisted of some power foods. Foods designed to keep you fuller longer.
I'm kind of boring myself right now. Sorry for this one, I wanted to share my anxiety-turned-success and just started roaming.
**scene change**
a young lady is missing from Indiana U. This is frightening for so many reasons. Jenny-Lyn Watson (apologies for miss spelling) was all too recent and that didn't end well. On a personal note, Indiana is on my list of schools to research. I suppose crime rates weren't on my original list of things to check when doing research but I suppose it can't hurt. My hopes are that this young woman is ok and that the worst is over for her.
That brings me to my current state of DMA (pronounced d-mah) research. How does one compare schools when searching for a good fit? I've gotten as far as checking out the faculty, and the graduation requirements of a few schools. (Dissertation vs lecture recital vs some combination) So I research faculty and I find some places have professors who only have a BM because once they were done at school they went right off to the Met and performed for 25 years. Other schools have more than one faculty member who graduated from the very same school. Other schools have a mix of what appear to be performers and teachers. My question is, where do I go from here? What should I be looking for? I had this idea that a school that hires their own graduates may not have as many differing teaching styles as I may look for. But whenever I say that out loud it sounds like a silly reason. The fact is, I need to start having reasons to audition at specific schools and not others.
I don't trust the internet. This is my other problem. I don't know how to believe half of what I read in people's bios or on school websites. I'm looking to spend the next 3 years of my life (the years in which I leave my 20's and enter my 30's, I'll have you know) somewhere brand new and I need to make sure it's a good fit. I'm flexible. I will adjust to many situations as necessary, but I think for the DMA it should be a mutual fit. So here's my next question: how can I know what my research is showing me?
Let me lay it out. I want to teach at the collegiate level. I want to find a position that offers health benefits, an office, and maybe even tenure! (The first two are clearly more important.) I have many of the skills I see listed in job postings already but preference goes to candidates with a DMA. This leads me to believe my next logical step is obtaining a DMA. I can't see myself just frolicking off to any old well-known school just so I can get the degree and start the job hunt. I want it to be worthwhile. I want the experience to be as amazing and fulfilling and surprising as my first two degrees were.
Which brings me to my final question, how do I find a school that can offer me that?
crisis-averted.
So now I attempt the ever-daunting task of groc shopping. I'm just not good at picking up fresh foods and using them before they go bad. I have all these great ideas, then life gets in the way and food goes bad. So my goal for this trip is to stock up with a few essentials I notice pop up in lots of recipes, and not try and buy things to cook every night for two weeks. Homey don't play that. I really should know that by now.
Oh I'm just so proud of resisting the urge of picking up food while I'm out. I could have used my 15 points at Wendy's and stayed within or gone over a bit into my extra points, but then I'd be all water-logged (btw I totally met my water goal for today! Booya!) from the salty foods and I'd feel guilty. Remember, NO REWARDS UNTIL A STINKING GOAL IS MET! A big goal. Not my "don't eat like crap on the weekend" or "be smart at the store" goals. On top of resisting that temptress Wendy, my meal consisted of some power foods. Foods designed to keep you fuller longer.
I'm kind of boring myself right now. Sorry for this one, I wanted to share my anxiety-turned-success and just started roaming.
**scene change**
a young lady is missing from Indiana U. This is frightening for so many reasons. Jenny-Lyn Watson (apologies for miss spelling) was all too recent and that didn't end well. On a personal note, Indiana is on my list of schools to research. I suppose crime rates weren't on my original list of things to check when doing research but I suppose it can't hurt. My hopes are that this young woman is ok and that the worst is over for her.
That brings me to my current state of DMA (pronounced d-mah) research. How does one compare schools when searching for a good fit? I've gotten as far as checking out the faculty, and the graduation requirements of a few schools. (Dissertation vs lecture recital vs some combination) So I research faculty and I find some places have professors who only have a BM because once they were done at school they went right off to the Met and performed for 25 years. Other schools have more than one faculty member who graduated from the very same school. Other schools have a mix of what appear to be performers and teachers. My question is, where do I go from here? What should I be looking for? I had this idea that a school that hires their own graduates may not have as many differing teaching styles as I may look for. But whenever I say that out loud it sounds like a silly reason. The fact is, I need to start having reasons to audition at specific schools and not others.
I don't trust the internet. This is my other problem. I don't know how to believe half of what I read in people's bios or on school websites. I'm looking to spend the next 3 years of my life (the years in which I leave my 20's and enter my 30's, I'll have you know) somewhere brand new and I need to make sure it's a good fit. I'm flexible. I will adjust to many situations as necessary, but I think for the DMA it should be a mutual fit. So here's my next question: how can I know what my research is showing me?
Let me lay it out. I want to teach at the collegiate level. I want to find a position that offers health benefits, an office, and maybe even tenure! (The first two are clearly more important.) I have many of the skills I see listed in job postings already but preference goes to candidates with a DMA. This leads me to believe my next logical step is obtaining a DMA. I can't see myself just frolicking off to any old well-known school just so I can get the degree and start the job hunt. I want it to be worthwhile. I want the experience to be as amazing and fulfilling and surprising as my first two degrees were.
Which brings me to my final question, how do I find a school that can offer me that?
Monday, June 6, 2011
My Constant Dilemma
I am nowhere near mastering or fully understanding weight watchers. I'm going to try and explain my brain a bit which may be the worst idea of my day but what the hey, if not here, then where?
This happened the last time I joined. I would think about how many points are in certain foods, I would know how many points I had in the day and I would want to make sure I stayed within my allotted points. Then comes the questioning and rationalizing. In my head, eating more than 4 points at once seems extreme. This can be true for snacks, a light breakfast, and even a decent sandwich. But for me to feel satisfied or have a complete dinner it requires the use of more than 4 points. So when I'm looking at recipes or figuring out the points of a potential meal, I get frustrated and disregard many options because I think it's too many points to spend at once. But then I go and eat a serving of chips with my sandwich and have some fruit juice totaling 10 points. Does this make sense? Well no, but it's something about the idea of eating one meal or one dish with more than 4 points. It makes me feel like I'm binging. This is why I say I haven't figured WW out yet. I'm not supposed to feel bad about eating. I just have to make better decisions.
So that was my dilemma today (I just realized dilemma is spelled with two m's, and not a single n. Woops...) especially when I'm in recovery mode from this weekend. But I did well none-the-less. Diz and I took a walk to the bucks to visit T, I got a mocha frappuccino light that's only 3 points (booya!) and got a solid hour and a half walk in to boot. Tomorrow I have another show and will be making my triumphant return to the gym, and then I teach all day. Lessons are a good distraction from eating. So long as I have some good options there for me, it keeps me from sitting around being bored and constantly thinking about food. Which is the worst. I have a few leftovers from previous meals but I'm gonna have to cook again soon. And shop. Shopping twice in one month. This is new for me.
Question - any idea why the hardwood floors and linoleum kitchen floor would be dangerously slippery rather suddenly? No one waxed, no one mopped, one day our floors turned into a slip and slide. Sometimes fun, dangerous in heels. Any thoughts would be welcome.
This happened the last time I joined. I would think about how many points are in certain foods, I would know how many points I had in the day and I would want to make sure I stayed within my allotted points. Then comes the questioning and rationalizing. In my head, eating more than 4 points at once seems extreme. This can be true for snacks, a light breakfast, and even a decent sandwich. But for me to feel satisfied or have a complete dinner it requires the use of more than 4 points. So when I'm looking at recipes or figuring out the points of a potential meal, I get frustrated and disregard many options because I think it's too many points to spend at once. But then I go and eat a serving of chips with my sandwich and have some fruit juice totaling 10 points. Does this make sense? Well no, but it's something about the idea of eating one meal or one dish with more than 4 points. It makes me feel like I'm binging. This is why I say I haven't figured WW out yet. I'm not supposed to feel bad about eating. I just have to make better decisions.
So that was my dilemma today (I just realized dilemma is spelled with two m's, and not a single n. Woops...) especially when I'm in recovery mode from this weekend. But I did well none-the-less. Diz and I took a walk to the bucks to visit T, I got a mocha frappuccino light that's only 3 points (booya!) and got a solid hour and a half walk in to boot. Tomorrow I have another show and will be making my triumphant return to the gym, and then I teach all day. Lessons are a good distraction from eating. So long as I have some good options there for me, it keeps me from sitting around being bored and constantly thinking about food. Which is the worst. I have a few leftovers from previous meals but I'm gonna have to cook again soon. And shop. Shopping twice in one month. This is new for me.
Question - any idea why the hardwood floors and linoleum kitchen floor would be dangerously slippery rather suddenly? No one waxed, no one mopped, one day our floors turned into a slip and slide. Sometimes fun, dangerous in heels. Any thoughts would be welcome.
WW Post 2
This weekend was terrible food-wise, but oh so fun socially. I keep doing this thing where I will work my rear off all week long only to think I deserve a little less strictness on the weekend. Unfortunately I start my weekend on Friday and go right on through until Sunday. I hop on the scale Monday to see all of my efforts of the previous week gone. I assume some of the weight is from water-retention because I do love the salty snacks/foods and I'll be hitting the gym all week again but seriously, if I didn't let loose every weekend and just stuck to my plan imagine how much MORE I could lose??
So this is my goal for this week: to stick to my plan and points through the weekend. I do not get a freebie, no special snack, no day w/o tracking. Not until I meet a weight loss goal. I think a good reward for the first 5% is a nice meal where I don't track but it has to be a reward. And I have to earn it. Simply surviving 4 days isn't going to cut it. I will not lose weight by working 4 days and relaxing 3. If anything, I'll maintain. I don't want to maintain. I wouldn't be here if I wanted to maintain.
I need more immediate support in my town. I have to find people to help hold me accountable all the time.
The search begins. As does the work this week. If I am to continue losing, I have to put the work in. I have a lot of free time this week. It would be well spent making recipes, planning meals, restocking the fridge with fruits and crystal light, and figuring out other foods to eat besides pasta.
I will not feel defeated from 2 bad weekends. I will learn from them and make the improvements. This has to be the summer I do this. Gahhh!!!
So this is my goal for this week: to stick to my plan and points through the weekend. I do not get a freebie, no special snack, no day w/o tracking. Not until I meet a weight loss goal. I think a good reward for the first 5% is a nice meal where I don't track but it has to be a reward. And I have to earn it. Simply surviving 4 days isn't going to cut it. I will not lose weight by working 4 days and relaxing 3. If anything, I'll maintain. I don't want to maintain. I wouldn't be here if I wanted to maintain.
I need more immediate support in my town. I have to find people to help hold me accountable all the time.
The search begins. As does the work this week. If I am to continue losing, I have to put the work in. I have a lot of free time this week. It would be well spent making recipes, planning meals, restocking the fridge with fruits and crystal light, and figuring out other foods to eat besides pasta.
I will not feel defeated from 2 bad weekends. I will learn from them and make the improvements. This has to be the summer I do this. Gahhh!!!
WW Post 1
I joined WW about 5 years ago to mixed results. I lost weight but didn't make any lifestyle changes, merely tried fitting WW into my existing lifestyle. If my lifestyle worked, I wouldn't have needed WW. I lost about 13lbs but fell off the wagon and gained it all plus more back.
Skip ahead to 2011. I weigh the most I have ever weighed. I'm usually a really busy person. I work what feels like 7 part-time jobs to make a full-time paycheck. Working out and planning meals was not a priority. Sleep and preparedness for work was. This summer, all this has changed. I have a more open schedule than I have ever had. (As my mom puts it, I work my ass off 9 months of the year, so I can "relax" the other three.) As it is, I usually work through the summers but this time, I've consciously decided to take it easier. This brings me to May. I made a goal to lose 5lbs/month hoping to set up great habits now and carry them through into the fall and beyond. Then I saw my sister who joined WW in March and has lost 16lbs. (So proud! So inspirational!) I remembered what I liked about WW and what didn't work for me. (Meetings) I was at the gym and saw 3 commercials for WW online and decided to check it out. Two weeks later, I'm down 3lbs, met my goal for my first month, and feel great. Well, mostly great.
I feel more motivated and ready to make the necessary changes to my eating habits. I enjoy working out (most of the time) and am cooking for myself more than I ever have. I portion, I track everything, I work out... but I have to be honest. I am impatient. Since May 1st I've lost 5lbs. (3 officially on WW) I'm really happy about that but I don't feel or see a difference. Intellectually I know this takes time before I can feel and see the differences and I just have to keep on keeping on and enjoying the journey. But intellectually I know it's not right to eat everything on my plate and go to restaurants 4-6 times a week. Obviously my intellect is not the most persuasive.
I think the biggest change besides the better schedule to make this happen is I'm being more honest and building a small support system. Before I did WW nearly in secret. I was embarrassed about admitting I was overweight; as if that would alert people to something they didn't already see. This time, I'm telling anyone who asks, and I'm staying in touch with my sister (who lives across the country from me.) and we cheer each other on. It's helpful because it holds me more accountable for my actions and I know I'm going to get the encouragement I need to keep going.
On a message board last week someone posted (paraphrasing) "I did not get fat by being honest, I will not lose by lying." I love the idea behind that because it's so true. I lied to myself daily that when I stood a certain way the clothes looked fine, or going up one size wasn't a huge deal so long as I looked good doing it, or when I die, I want to be full, or saying I'm in shape, round is a shape! No more! I must move forward, change these images I hold of myself, see the goal and go for it. I've accomplished a LOT in my life so far, and all because I wanted to, put the work in, and smiled the whole time doing it. Weight loss can be the same. No, weight loss WILL be the same.
So here I go on what should hopefully be the most exciting and rewarding journey of my life! Who's coming with me?
Skip ahead to 2011. I weigh the most I have ever weighed. I'm usually a really busy person. I work what feels like 7 part-time jobs to make a full-time paycheck. Working out and planning meals was not a priority. Sleep and preparedness for work was. This summer, all this has changed. I have a more open schedule than I have ever had. (As my mom puts it, I work my ass off 9 months of the year, so I can "relax" the other three.) As it is, I usually work through the summers but this time, I've consciously decided to take it easier. This brings me to May. I made a goal to lose 5lbs/month hoping to set up great habits now and carry them through into the fall and beyond. Then I saw my sister who joined WW in March and has lost 16lbs. (So proud! So inspirational!) I remembered what I liked about WW and what didn't work for me. (Meetings) I was at the gym and saw 3 commercials for WW online and decided to check it out. Two weeks later, I'm down 3lbs, met my goal for my first month, and feel great. Well, mostly great.
I feel more motivated and ready to make the necessary changes to my eating habits. I enjoy working out (most of the time) and am cooking for myself more than I ever have. I portion, I track everything, I work out... but I have to be honest. I am impatient. Since May 1st I've lost 5lbs. (3 officially on WW) I'm really happy about that but I don't feel or see a difference. Intellectually I know this takes time before I can feel and see the differences and I just have to keep on keeping on and enjoying the journey. But intellectually I know it's not right to eat everything on my plate and go to restaurants 4-6 times a week. Obviously my intellect is not the most persuasive.
I think the biggest change besides the better schedule to make this happen is I'm being more honest and building a small support system. Before I did WW nearly in secret. I was embarrassed about admitting I was overweight; as if that would alert people to something they didn't already see. This time, I'm telling anyone who asks, and I'm staying in touch with my sister (who lives across the country from me.) and we cheer each other on. It's helpful because it holds me more accountable for my actions and I know I'm going to get the encouragement I need to keep going.
On a message board last week someone posted (paraphrasing) "I did not get fat by being honest, I will not lose by lying." I love the idea behind that because it's so true. I lied to myself daily that when I stood a certain way the clothes looked fine, or going up one size wasn't a huge deal so long as I looked good doing it, or when I die, I want to be full, or saying I'm in shape, round is a shape! No more! I must move forward, change these images I hold of myself, see the goal and go for it. I've accomplished a LOT in my life so far, and all because I wanted to, put the work in, and smiled the whole time doing it. Weight loss can be the same. No, weight loss WILL be the same.
So here I go on what should hopefully be the most exciting and rewarding journey of my life! Who's coming with me?
Getting Started
I have blogged before, never seriously, and never with purpose.
This time though, I wanted a purpose. You see, I joined weight watchers again with the hopes of finally losing the weight I've been carrying around for years. They have a blog option on the website, but if you're not a member you don't get to see it. I don't really do a lot with the community on the website so for them to follow me, well it may be helpful but it's not really why I would blog. I want people I know to be able to follow what I'm doing. So I thought, maybe I'd start a weight-loss blog. The more I thought about it, I didn't just want it to be my weight loss. I am also in the midst (or at the very beginnings) of researching DMA (doctor of musical arts) programs at schools across the country which means in one year from right now I will be planning the biggest move of my life. Basically, there's a lot of "new" I'm trying to deal with. I started thinking about a common theme but weight-loss and DMA research didn't really work together. As I thought and let my mind wander, I realized I'm looking for change. As is the case with myself, my sister, and many musical people in my life, I immediately thought of a song from a musical. This song from William Finn's musical "A New Brain" became title of this blog. It really is all I want. I want to change my physical image, I want to change my position in life, I want to change my surroundings.
You see, I am very good at settling down and being comfortable. For example, my rent is good, my income is steady-ish (at least I've started figuring out a system to make it that way), I have a fabulous circuit of friends and family, so really why would I want to change any of that?
The answer, now, is simple. I am settled and comfortable here, but I work my ass off to do it. I piece together anywhere from 3-6 part-time jobs to make a full-time paycheck. I make it work though it becomes a scheduling nightmare, but I make it work. I love everything I do which makes me insanely lucky, but it's exhausting. For me to make a comfortable salary and still do what I love, the next step is a DMA. For me to feel at all comfortable with myself and find some personal satisfaction in this work, the next step is weight-loss. It took awhile to realize these things, but now, you see, it's simple.
So changes must be made and all I can say is I'm trying. But I need help. I can't do this on my own. My next post directly after this one will be copied from my WW (weight watchers) blog. It explains where I'm coming from on the weight-loss issue. I tried to be really positive and motivational but the post after that (as far as I made it on there, the rest will all be posted directly from here) is less so.
This is an adventure. An adventure from home, but an adventure none-the-less. I'm aiming for equal parts weight-loss and where-the-heck-am-I-going-to-be-in-a-year but knowing me, tangents will occur.
Happy Trails!
This time though, I wanted a purpose. You see, I joined weight watchers again with the hopes of finally losing the weight I've been carrying around for years. They have a blog option on the website, but if you're not a member you don't get to see it. I don't really do a lot with the community on the website so for them to follow me, well it may be helpful but it's not really why I would blog. I want people I know to be able to follow what I'm doing. So I thought, maybe I'd start a weight-loss blog. The more I thought about it, I didn't just want it to be my weight loss. I am also in the midst (or at the very beginnings) of researching DMA (doctor of musical arts) programs at schools across the country which means in one year from right now I will be planning the biggest move of my life. Basically, there's a lot of "new" I'm trying to deal with. I started thinking about a common theme but weight-loss and DMA research didn't really work together. As I thought and let my mind wander, I realized I'm looking for change. As is the case with myself, my sister, and many musical people in my life, I immediately thought of a song from a musical. This song from William Finn's musical "A New Brain" became title of this blog. It really is all I want. I want to change my physical image, I want to change my position in life, I want to change my surroundings.
You see, I am very good at settling down and being comfortable. For example, my rent is good, my income is steady-ish (at least I've started figuring out a system to make it that way), I have a fabulous circuit of friends and family, so really why would I want to change any of that?
The answer, now, is simple. I am settled and comfortable here, but I work my ass off to do it. I piece together anywhere from 3-6 part-time jobs to make a full-time paycheck. I make it work though it becomes a scheduling nightmare, but I make it work. I love everything I do which makes me insanely lucky, but it's exhausting. For me to make a comfortable salary and still do what I love, the next step is a DMA. For me to feel at all comfortable with myself and find some personal satisfaction in this work, the next step is weight-loss. It took awhile to realize these things, but now, you see, it's simple.
So changes must be made and all I can say is I'm trying. But I need help. I can't do this on my own. My next post directly after this one will be copied from my WW (weight watchers) blog. It explains where I'm coming from on the weight-loss issue. I tried to be really positive and motivational but the post after that (as far as I made it on there, the rest will all be posted directly from here) is less so.
This is an adventure. An adventure from home, but an adventure none-the-less. I'm aiming for equal parts weight-loss and where-the-heck-am-I-going-to-be-in-a-year but knowing me, tangents will occur.
Happy Trails!
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