The first goodbye

For the last 4 years I have music directed the shows at North Syracuse Junior High - my old school and first experience with the public school system.  I have worked directly alongside my junior high chorus teacher but now we collaborate as friends.  It's pretty great, and this year we had a really wonderful group of kids.  Sure, they got chatty, sure they didn't always improve in the ways I hoped, but at their core, they were - and are - great kids. 

This past weekend was our show, Cinderella, and on Wednesday I was not convinced it was a show at all.  There were still some major issues from every angle and it had a long way to go before I thought an audience could see it.  Thursday rolled around and everything changed.  We ended up with a preciously adorable show with some really sweet moments, some really funny moments, and an all around pleasant hour and a half.  This is all being mentioned because this was my last show with NS.  (Unless the stars align and after getting my DMA I get a job back home and have the time in my schedule...)  I sincerely enjoyed going to rehearsal every day to hang around these kids and I felt respected and, well, cared for there.  It hit me last night, though.  This was my first 'goodbye' as a result of my leaving to pursue the DMA.  Couple that with the fact that my first audition is 6 days away, and a range of feelings and emotions that I cannot describe begin to occur.  It boils down to what I've said in nearly every blog of recent posting:  This is actually happening.  Every now and then I step back and think for a moment and realize how grown up I've become.  I realize this at times when I'm filling out applications, planning my career moves 5 years in advance, and when I think about problems with my apartment and what needs to be done to remedy those, and when I look at my list of bills and budgets.  (Then I look at my bedroom and I'm brought right back being a teenager.  But hey, maybe this will all work together!  When I can get a full time job, I won't be so busy all the time and can take better care of my room!  See, it all works out.)

Well, I can't say much more about this, but what I can say is I'm ready.  I'm ready for a change, and I'm ready for the next step in my life and career to take me to new places, new adventures, and hopefully to a sense of fulfillment.  I don't necessarily feel unfulfilled right now, I enjoy spreading my gifts around and having small impacts on many little lives.  I just want a job that I'll retire from.  I don't need the new excitement every 10 years.  I like routine, I like the expected, I like stability.  I love a little adventure and some spontaneity at times, but I really like the idea of being a step closer to the career I'll keep for the rest of my life.  That is a good feeling.