I'm pretty frustrated. I don't think I've been eating worse than I have since last summer. I've been out to restaurants far less than I had up until April. I went to the gym more times in April than I have since August. I am slowly but surely gaining weight. WHAT'S GOING ON?!?! This is insanity. Today I'm making an extra concerted effort to be sure I eat well and track and don't go over my points and get in some activity today. Making that decision has left me feeling so hungry for no reason! No reason! I hate feeling like food is some sort of enemy. I hate feeling like I can't have what I want or that I don't know how to take care of myself. I hate feeling out of control and that nothing I do helps. It makes me want to go to Wendy's, then come home and order chinese and then make a creamy pasta dish and have some cake for dessert.
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Now that I have that out of my system, allow me to translate. What's really been going on here? All of those things I mentioned above. But in reality, I have not been eating well. I have not been tracking and I have not paid enough attention into what I'm eating. (I have gone to the gym a lot and been very active, so that part is annoying but oh well.) I mean, I think I had meatballs 4 times in the last 6 days. Meatballs are super high in points, something like 3+ for one if it's a small guy. I just eat them. I have a few here, and a few there and one or two more... because they're DELICIOUS AND I LOVE DELICIOUS THINGS!! But that doesn't mean I have to eat every delicious thing I see. I have no restraint, no self-control. I never have. There are countless posts about me "rewarding" myself for doing the bare minimum, if that. I have slowly crept back towards my starting weight of a year ago and that is freaking stupid. It takes planning and I've done none of it. I'm going to do some once I'm done with this blog post.
Discipline is doing something you hate, and pretending that you love it.
I didn't get fat by being honest, I'm not going to get thin by lying.
what I found to be helpful is if you're going to "cheat" or "reward" yourself, do it 1 day a week, like we used to do in college. That way you're not "restricting" yourself necessarily, just remaining cognizant of what you're ingesting. Also, I'd make that one day a week, a specific day. Aside from Easter, and for when I go up to see you, I have barely "cheated," and knowing that you have a time when you're allowing yourself to eat what you want helps you make a decision not to eat that.
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