"I have died every day waiting for you. Darlin' don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more." (A Thousand Years - Christina Perri)
I heard this song tonight for what feels like the first time. It's not. I've heard it before. Tonight though, it's the most beautiful song in the world. Tomorrow it will just be another pop song that doesn't suck. This is the beauty of music. It has the ability to put feelings into words. Music makes us feel like we don't have to say anything, because it's all been said for us. I read a great quote about one author's reasoning for why humans study music. It was written by David Ackert of the LA Times and quickly went viral around the social network as musicians around the country found someone to give their art a voice. He has put into words what I believe a lot of us never even knew we felt. (He also makes us sound totally bad-ass and who wouldn't want to sound totally bad-ass?) Skip this if you like, but it may give my non-musician friends an idea as to why we have to be in music. The few lines in bold are the ones that really gave me pause.
“Singers and Musicians are some of the most
driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more
day-to-day rejection in one year than most people do in a lifetime.
Every day, they face the financial challenge of living a freelance
lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get real jobs,
and their own fear that they'll never work again. Every day, they have
to ignore the possibility that the
vision they have dedicated their lives to is a pipe dream. With every
note, they stretch themselves, emotionally and physically, risking
criticism and judgment. With every passing year, many of them watch as
the other people their age achieve the predictable milestones of normal
life - the car, the family, the house, the nest egg. Why? Because
musicians and singers are willing to give their entire lives to a moment
- to that melody, that lyric, that chord, or that interpretation that
will stir the audience's soul. Singers and Musicians are beings who have
tasted life's nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their
creative spirit and touched another's heart. In that instant, they were
as close to magic, God, and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in
their own hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is
worth a thousand lifetimes.”
You see musicians are selfish people. It's in our nature. We say we're givers, or many of us believe ourselves to be givers, but it's a facade. The musicians who blabber on about their art being for the public and sharing themselves with the world, giving you, the adoring fans, a glimpse into the soul of a true performer... are full of malarkey. It's about the magical moment. We do this because it feels incredible. When the stars have aligned (read: when the technique has been practiced to a point of accessibility in a high pressure situation) and beautiful music spews forth from one's loins, there is a feeling unlike any other that accompanies that moment. That feeling cannot be replicated anywhere else. I've even experienced it a few times. These moments though, they really are fleeting. A chord with a lyric underlined with emotion set up with a harmonic progression established by themes and motives all coming together to join with proper vowel tuning, efficient posture, substantial and consistent breath, physical engagement and a connection to the world around you metamorphoses into what is simply called - a moment. People react to this moment and that does add to the fulfillment that performers talk about. I don't believe it is the feedback we crave. The true fulfillment comes from creating. It comes from building a moment that no one else can build and creating a memory that only you can create. Performances can be recorded but emotions cannot. The moment has passed and is now just a memory, never to be felt again. It's what makes music so unique. It is an art form that once it escapes, once the air has left, it is gone.
This song, that feels so significant tonight, is a part of a moment I'm living in right now. My experiences today, or this week, have lead me to be here: sitting on my couch, just finished a movie, feeling what I feel and bringing me to an emotional place for this song to speak directly to me. This moment is mine and like every one before it, it shall pass only to be replaced by another. All that matters now is that this song represents in ways I can't describe what I'm waiting for - what is next. My next moment.
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