No excuses.

I totes stopped blogging.  For like, months.  Why?  I'm in school.  If you know me, you know that means I reach a few month period where I nearly fall off of the face of the planet.  This happened to be mid-late January-end of April.  In that time I completed another semester of school, leading roles in two operas, landed another role in another opera, met my godson, and hopefully nailed the crap out of my classes.  I was preoccupied.  Not that I'm any less preoccupied right now, but things are slowing down a bit which is nice.  I'm still in the process of learning the next role I have coming up in June, and I have a recital to prepare for in October, plus two small gigs and a performance in an Opera Gala next September, plus looking ahead to auditions for the '13-14 season of being a singer, so essentially, classes and teaching are done.  That alone gives way to much more time.  It's a sexy, sexy thing.  I'm reading for fun.  I cleaned my apartment for what feels like the first time since I moved in.  I read through and highlighted the latest Classical Singer magazine.  I have yet to get my groceries, but, get this, I have a ton of time tomorrow too!  These magical things called "weekends" that I get to experience every now and then.  Brilliant!!

Look at me go, posting a picture like I'm a regular blogger!  So proud.

Madame Euterpova

Anywho, here's a basic rundown of what's been going on.  Most of this has been on the facebook and most of you are friends with me on the facebook so I don't need to go into too many gory details.  Here goes.

I sang two lead roles this semester at UNCG.  The first was Madame Euterpova in Menotti's Help, Help, the Globolinks!  A crazy piece about aliens and I was blonde and wore pink glasses and a fur hat and tried to seduce the dean of the school while turning in my resignation because the students did not bring their instruments home to practice.  (A very straight forward show.) 

During the rehearsal process for this show, we took a two week hiatus to start staging for Cendrillon (Cinderella) which was the other opera I sang in, this time as Cinderella.  We had a guest director who was incredible and I think I made a wonderful contact for life so beyond the fact that I did some of my best work on stage that I can remember, I learned an incredible amount. 

I also sang for a local competition and placed but didn't win.  Now, winning isn't everything.  It's a lot, but it's not everything.  I was sorely disappointed when I didn't win.  I have battled all semester with my performing.  I can do this great work in my lessons, and make some of the most incredible sounds I've ever made, but when it comes down to presenting that for anyone else, including my super supportive studio, something falls short.  After yet another bafflingly not-as-good-as-I-thought-it-should-be performance in studio, I finally lost it and emailed my teacher asking him for the answers to life the universe, and everything.  (Turns out, for a singer, it's not 42.)  Essentially I was frustrated because I know I have so much more to share and give and I feel like I can't do that in performance.  It always holds me back.  My teacher sent an incredible reply that helped put things in perspective and, of course, reminded me I'm not alone in this and everything I'm feeling is understandable.  I read through his response 3 or 4 times to just let it all sink in. 

What this boils down to for me is to be more general in my performance.  Not with intention, or connection to music, but in what I want to accomplish.  I can't go into every performance expecting to maintain my open lower back, feel the height in every vowel, keep sounds in the "ng" place, feel every breath release, don't ease into the onset, keep the breath flowing consistently, don't grip, remember every word/vowel modification, and act without locking up.  This is literally the short list of things I hoped to accomplish in every performance.  Intellectually I knew I was working too hard but emotionally I hadn't been able to step back and trust.  My last two performances of the semester I went in with just a couple broad goals.  Stay "in my light," trust each onset, and lose myself in the character.  Low and behold, each performance was better than the last, and I ended the semester feeling really good about where I'm heading.  It feels like a major break through and I don't even know if it makes sense to non-singers or non-performers.  Just trust that it was a big wall I had built and I finally feel like I can start to chip away at it.  Now I'm looking for competitions and auditions to keep working at this.  I have something really awesome to share, and need opportunities to share it.  Why not, right?  I'm totes worth it.